SPLAT

Open, close, open, then close again

2011-02-12T05:24:00.002+08:00

I never would have thought that this thought process would be open ever again. I thought that I already closed this entire part of my life. Who would've known that a conversation with my flatmate would open it up all over again? And better yet, would you have accepted him to lead me to a different path of closure? I didn't.

Maybe I really did hurt his ego big time. Maybe I hurt his ego enough to not want to have anything to do with me. It's too bad if that were the case but I guess that's what I'll have to live with. Regret? Yes and no. Yes because what a waste. No because life is good right here and right now.

just keep on keepin on...

Injured again

2010-09-07T18:04:00.002+08:00

A person can check facebook only so many times. I'm tired of refreshing facebook, twitter, gmail, yahoo mail hoping that there's something new to check out. yes yes... melodrama much. whatever.

This is the second time in a few months that I am unable to walk. Sometime in July I slipped in my toilet and was unable to walk for a week and limped for one more week. I ached to work out after that. Now, after doing a 10K run/walk, I'm yet again unable to walk.... Yes I know. My poor knees. They're just carrying too much weight. Rest and blah blah blah will blah blah.

But maybe there's really something wrong. Maybe my knees are more swollen than they appear to be. Just so happens that the swelling is covered by all the fat (OH shit moment). blech.

whatever. i'll wait for tom and if this still hurts big time, I'm getting an xray.

gack. helplessness

2009-09-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

i hate being helpless. makes me feel like shit.

Gone

2009-08-20T22:34:00.003+08:00

you try so hard to think things can remain the same. but people move. and you know you're gone. it's a whole new ball game. i'm gone. you're gone. gone are the old days.

you just gotta walk forward...

Day 1 - Whee!

2009-08-19T17:53:00.002+08:00

Ok ok... i may have spoken too soon. As always...

So day 1... first of all, i have to say that even day -1 was good. I was lying around in Somerset all day and only went out late in the afternoon. Went around Tiong Bahru plaza with Ricky and Melbin, had some food (and burned my tongue) and took care of some house stuff. After that I had a drink with some SCB friends. Doing these little regular things make me feel a lot better actually.

and today I had Day 1... as always me being me, I got lost for a while trying to figure out which elevator to take (apparently you take escalator going up, then take elevator to 38th, then transfer elevator to get to 43rd. phew!). When I got to the office, my direct superior was there and introduced me to a few people. I think that was only when I realized that I really am in a Group role. The team is actually quite multi-cultural (and much older but I'm used to that). I was brought to a meeting for one of the projects and I realized that my role has already reversed. I used to be the person in country screaming at Group. Now, I am seeing what goes on behind the scenes, what efforts need to be done in order to get all these things rolled out to different countries. Overall, I think I'm up for a very interesting ride. Actually, now I'm quite excited to be where I'm at. There's a lot for me to learn, it's in the area of my interest and I think my skill set also fits. Let us see where this ride takes me....

Oh. I twisted my ankle at lunch. haha. accident prone area. Pero ok lang... I think I'm beginning to bounce back. :D

Buyer's remorse

2009-08-18T10:32:00.002+08:00

I’m having major buyer’s remorse here. Ok fine. It’s only been a day and I feel this way already? Damn. Whatup care!

So many people have been warning me about the people here. Singabore. Singapore square. Don’t expect them to smile and say hi to you. Ugh. *rolls eyes*

I will get over this. I know that. Work hasn’t even started yet and it’s wrong for me to say things like this. But I’m dreading the adjustment period. Pagod na ako adjust ng adjust. Ano ba. I want to get back to that life when I’m good on all fronts - home, work, play. The practicalities are good here. I think home will be ok because I’m with my brutha and apparently our other flatmate is a Johnnie (Walker) boy. But the work and play???

Can I click on fast forward and get to the happy place already?

New Beginnings

2009-07-04T04:29:00.002+08:00

new beginnings are supposed to be great but it's hard to say goodbye to the great life you'd be leaving behind.

Age and Turning Points

2009-05-08T08:17:00.001+08:00

I'm going to use this later to blog... For now, I'm just glad that I had a good night's sleep and that I'm off to work at the hour of 8.

care_uy (5/7/2009 9:28:43 PM): i'm resisting the urge to reply on yuor multiply so i shall reply here while you are hiding offline. Your post makes me feel old. but at the same time I can't help but smile. I used to feel that way but I've come to realize that there's really so much more to come and the freedom that the so called real world brings is exciting. Besides... there are so many old (as in 37 years old) people who are really quite young and you only really get to see that when you start talking to them as equals, even competition, in the office.

critteti_blahblah (5/7/2009 9:38:37 PM): hahaha, why not reply in multiply but yeah, haha. old is relative. its just scary how things are always moving and changing so fast. and college is a defining point in one's life. so knowing im nearing the end of it gets me thinking its like middle ground between being a child, and having to grow up and face reality. hahaha. parang nagblog ako sa message mo thanks for the insight ket

...

2009-03-22T02:25:00.001+08:00

what am I supposed to do when all this is over?

be still

2009-02-09T22:31:00.002+08:00

stop.

even just for a few moments.

keep still.

and allow yourself to breathe.

hush.

listen for a moment, to the silence, to yourself.

rest.

it's ok to take a break.

------

i should take a break. Even if it's just one night, I should take a break. Even if this will end soon, I should take a break.

tralalalala

2009-02-08T01:06:00.002+08:00

excited for AIESEC in 2009.

Getting ready to say goodbye.

putting in finishing touches to transition plan.

figuring out what to next.

finances need to be fixed.

***No surprise that my top two strengths are strategic and futuristic.

tralalalalalalala

i want to buy a new hard drive.

sobrang sabog ng audio ni JJ (Just Junior *tada handpose*)

***hmm... wala lang just had to pause.

w_ _w!!!!

February Madness

2009-02-08T00:36:00.002+08:00

wah!

I'm coming to realize that I have waaaaaaaaay too many things on my plate right now.

It's not so bad really. I just need to finally get things organized rather than the haphazard, whirlwind approach I have to most things. To be fair to myself, I'm not really that disorganized. I just a) don't say no to anything (READ: kaladkarin) and b) I don't really write everything down in one organized list.

Ok... so what are the things that I need to get done:

1.) Move out of my place and move in to the new one (should be done by Sunday)

2.) Fix my Italian visa requirements (should be done by Monday)

3.) Get this book project going... and making sure that things are running even if i am away.

4.) IPM preparations

- GN Plans

- CY Plans

- Chuchu stuff (i.e. cultural eck eck, T-shirt printing, etc)

5.) March plans

- NEB

- Enderun acquaintance party

- AIESEC Phes BOA meeting

- Transition planning

- H4TF seminar?

- Alumni newsletter

- and a bunch of other AIESEC plans

6.) SCB Chuchu

- iBanking BSP

- iBanking in general

- eChannels roll out

- Turn over to Andrew

7.) Packing for Italy

Wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do I do finish all this in 4 days?

hwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhirlwind. ack.

TRYing to beat another lazy sunday

2008-11-23T14:18:00.002+08:00

It's another sunday afternoon... If things are going the way they should've been, I should be in the mall right now looking for a dress for Pete's wedding. And then I get to go home at around 5 so that I could finally update the compendium, finish the MC application booklet, send out X number of emails, update the YG (new term i learned in ADMU's MSI - YG = YahooGroups). But of course... sunday afternoons never really go the way I plan them. I just got up. Instead of taking a bath and going straight to the mall, I decided to relax in bed and chat/blog/do random things with my computer. Sunday afternoons never really go the way I want them to go because I'm always too tired to really do anything on Sundays.

Once again, I had a very very full week at work. Monday was another 9-12 and Tuesday was even worse given that I went home at 2. Peter took a leave on Wednesday and was out almost the whole day Thursday. Friday was another craaazy day with a meeting that started at 10 ending at 1:30, then barely eating lunch so that we could already finish all the requirements. I do like the work that I have. Project Management or Tech roll-outs just might be the kind of thing I would like to be doing in the future. But it's the boss factor and the impossibility of some of the demands that pisses me off. What's even worse is that even if you already meet his impossible demands, he says stupid things like, "Why are you delaying?" (even if he knows we work until late into the night) or "Don't stress too much." (before he gives us tasks to do over the weekend). anyway... i really don't want to rant about StanChart any further.

Like I said, i'm full throughout the week and then on Saturdays I devote my time to AIESEC. it's ok because as Tabbee and I agreed, a weekend given freely to AIESEC is different from a weekend taken away by the job. And even if my days are already full, i can't help but go out and have fun.

So now.. here I am. Barely rested, voice gone, and fretting about the fact that I have no dress. I feel a bit guilty for delaying so much all of the things that I should be doing. But at the same time, I'm really not a robot. I need to have fun. I need a drink every weekend. and yes... I am also an energizer bunny who will stop for a while to breath but will keep going and going and going and going... and now i have to go and find that dress.

collegiate

2008-11-10T05:01:00.003+08:00

5 AM and i am up making a paper. this time it's for AIESEC.

how collegiate. :D

I dread the coming week.

mid-year...

2008-11-09T16:12:00.003+08:00

It's another one of those weekends. Saturday was spent lying in bed. Saturday night was spent getting drunk. And then Sunday again, which should've been spent productively because I really need to do a lot of AIESEC and SCB work, was also spent lying in bed.

I finally decided to move away from the bed and put my laptop on a desk. Still procrastinating but at least what I'm doing now involves some thinking and actual typing.

I've been looking at the random thoughts I wrote in the past (nope, not in this blog) and I saw that there was actually a common theme: Tiredness. It's very important to note of course that this set of random thought was really about stresses and things that I want to scream out, my frustrated thoughts. What I found interesting was that though I have had to acknowledge that I'm tired at different points of the year, I rarely said that I'm so tired that I want to give my AIESEC year up. So it got me thinking about what's been happening since my term started...

First of all, i have to point out that the general madness in my life began in January 2008 when I got into the Alabang Branch Project. That project was extra stressful and caused me to go home from work at midnight on a regular basis. I think that project was extra stressful because I really had no clear idea of what I was doing. I knew what needed to be done but I just had no clear idea of how to get it done. But at that time, the AIESEC stress really wasn't as much yet because I was focused on my departments, OGX and Finance. We had a set timeline and it was really just a matter of execution which we were quite able to do. The emotional/psychological madness of figuring out if I wanted to run as MCP was just beginning at that time though.

Then I went to IPM in Macedonia which was a 10-day cha-cha/roller coaster of figuring if I wanted to be MCP or not. Some days I would get up and say this looks like what I would want to do. There were other days when I would slap my head and say what the hell am i doing here. And finally, I decided to become MCP sometime in late March or early April beacuse I was just so tired of thinking about it. I remember quite vividly the time that I made the decision. I was walking home, coming from Taft. That night I could not focus on anything because all thoughts were revolving around that great decision. And then my brain got so messed up that I decided to give up thinking. I decided on doing SCB and AIESEC right then and there.

Since DevCon 2008 in Davao, things have actually been pretty much like a whirlwind. DevCon was my oh shit oh shit I'm MCP period. And after awhile it finally got to me. I had a team. We started pushing for exchange. As I went along, I kept on trying to remember the things that we did when I was still in Tabbee's time. Most people know that I'm not very organized, I do a lot of things on the fly, and I tend to bullshit my way out of things. So figuring things out at the start was quite difficult.

I don't really know why (maybe because I associate being in this spot with being more people people) but I've become more.. uhm... outgoing (?) this year. For one, I actually go to the parties. For another, I try to go to all the events. And finally, weekday or weeknight, chances are I'm out with some people.

*Commercial break lang for my brain. I really think I have Attention Deficiency Disorder. crap. what was my point?*

Ayun! Going back to tiredness... AIESEC has been playing quite an active role in my life lately and more so in the past few weeks. I had 4 days of NPM, 1 day faci pre-stay, and 4 days of NLDS to be capped off with a 6pm-12mn shift in the office. The two conferences were really about re-enerigizing, assessing the past, and figuring out what to do next. Having gone through those crazy 9 days, I have to say that despite all the stress I went though before I made my decision to become MCP, it is a decision that I do not regret. Yes, I really am tired. The fatigue I'm feeling now is affecting my system differently and I think would soon be affecting my productivity. But I do feel that burning desire to move move move and to make things happen.

(Pete, if you read this, no offense to you at all to ah) I think the one thing that I'm tired about though is my work in SCB. I've been working on a very frustrating project the past three months and I am so aching to walk away from it already. We've already done so much but a lot of our effort was actually wasted. I like the project in itself but I'm already overly frustrated by it. BUt well... the good thing is that I like SOME of the people I work with (Hehe. Pete, bawi).

Hay... my attention span only goes for so long.

in remembrance

2008-09-29T16:01:00.003+08:00

We laid Lola Caring to rest yesterday, September 28, after having lived 86 years. She gave birth to 13 children, had 33 grandchildren and 27 greatgrandchildren (and these are the only ones we are sure of).

The last few days spent in Bohol were sad times. It was a family reunion but our beloved matriarch was no longer with us. But in true Rubillar fashion... we sang, we drank, and we celebrated the many happy memories we have with our mama-lola.

It is sad to think that she will not be there any more offering some humba and kinilaw for us to eat in Vissara or rice for us to bring home to manila. There won't be anyone to call to announce that you're home once again. There won't be any need to ask for Cali because that's her favorite drink. No one to ask permission from when we go have cousin bonding on the sundeck ("Lola, we'll just be drinking juice.")

It is more important to remember the many things she imparted to us...

a love for travel (she's always in some other place visiting a relative)

a sense of frugality (save your plastic cups for another trip to the beach. you never know when you'll need another jollibee cup.)

being strongly independent (until the last days of her life and even in her death, she was always fully capable of providing for herself)

generosity (you can always expect to get something from her whenever there's an occasion)

a love for fun (we all love to sing and dance and we got this from our lola)

I love you Lola. Bohol will not be the same without you.

I cant remember when you werent there
When I didnt care for anyone but you
I swear weve been through everything there is
Cant imagine anything weve missed
Cant imagine anything the two of us cant do

Through the year, youve never let me down
You turned my life around, the sweetest days Ive found
Ive found with you ... through the years
Ive never been afraid, Ive loved the life weve made
And Im so glad Ive stayed, right here with you
Through the years

I cant remember what I used to do
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before
I swear youve taught me everything I know
Cant imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more

Through the years, through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had, Ive always been so glad
To be with you ... through the years
Its better everyday, youve kissed my tears away
As long as its okay, Ill stay with you
Through the years

- Through the Years by Kenny Rogers

the itchy and scratchy show

2008-09-19T01:04:00.002+08:00

There is a shared sense of “lostness,” not because we have nowhere to be. No, we are all lucky enough to be somewhere, but most want to be somewhere else.

- from an article in the Philippine Star

Lately, i keep on thinking of movement, of being somewhere else, and of doing something different. there are a lot of really good things happen to me here and now. i have a good job (both are good), good friends, a good life. but it feels like being in a good place isn't really all that enough. this year 0809 is a year that i have committed to and i will stay committed to. but i look to what lies ahead and i smile when i think that the whole future is gray and a blur.

on other fronts, here's an article on the on-going madness that seems to be interesting:

http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/18/diamond-and-kashyap-on-the-recent-financial-upheavals/

the wandering continues

2008-09-10T23:06:00.002+08:00

i have my tickets already.

on the 20th, i am off to Davao to have two sleepless, AIESEC filled days.

sep 20

4:30 AM departure

6:30 AM arrival n DVO

8:30 AM start of MSI

5:50 PM end of MSI (With lunch and break in between)

6:00 PM BOA/Parent's night

8:00 PM freedom... equal to beer and talking to AIESECers. partying is optional.

Sep 21

6:00 AM leave for the Stamm venue

8:00 AM arrive in resort

10:00 AM start MSI again until everyone's done

4-5 PM leave resort

9PM leave DVO

So that's Davao. crazy. hectic. but i love it!

and i also have my tickets for December already. I love Philippine holidays. the Philippines is officially on a standstill from December 25 - January 1. and i'm going to take a leave from dec 22-24 so i can be home by the 20th and get back to manila on the 1st. woohoo!!! i love the idea of a long break. hmm... i hope i get to go to bora on the 22nd with the rest of my family.

schedule stabilizing

2008-09-10T08:07:00.003+08:00

and i'm back to...

to nightly meetings coz of AIESEC

to a full weekend schedule coz of AIESEC

to sleeping late at night to chat with people

to reading a book to lull me to sleep

and of course, there's still SCB.

september is equal to... RBI, MSI, BOA night, Stamm, AOS Extreme, NEB, planning, meeting, and a lot of other little things.

october is equal to... AOS Extreme (another one), MCOS, NLDS Planning Weekend, NPM, NLDS... two conferences back to back = sudden death but oh joy!

november is well... blank still... but that's going to alumni frenzy month.

december is DECEMBER! Christmas is sacred! oh.alumni homecoming.

january is Natcon, preparation for IPM.

february is IPM!!!!

march is IPM bringback, the beginning of transition....

april is still continuing transition.

may is DevCon... and then.... *blank* it's over.

this broadly is my schedule for my year as MCP. yes, i do love to think about schedules and whaht i'll be doing tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. but i also love breaking schedules and doing things on the fly. it's the act of making schedules that i enjoy the most anyway.

so i do expect this year to fly fast. it's been a lot of fun so far, a lot of learning, a lot of good friends made. we shall just see what happens after.

a line i always say to those who ask me about what's going to happen next.

i have no plan a for after my term as MCP. i DO have plans b, c, d, and so on. :)

a return to blogging

2008-09-01T21:37:00.003+08:00

because i am vain, bored and brain dead (in that order), i decided to google my name and i came across this blog. it's really funny to read old entries and to remember the thoughts that i had a year or two ago. things have changed like crazy over the past year or so. let me point a few things out:

1. i'm working now as an international graduate in standard chartered (a year and almost 3 months now)
2. i'm president of aiesec philippines
3. i haven't been veg-ing, couch potato-ing, or lounging in front of the tv so much. instead i'm either working or partying.

anywho... i came across this colorquiz thing i took a couple of years ago and i decided to take it again. it's really funny how the test results are actually almost spot on.

Free personality analysis of Care.
JUNE 25, 2006

Care's Existing Situation

Having difficulty in standing up to the demands imposed on her. Finds a great effort is involved and wishes to have the situation eased.

Care's Stress Sources

Feels that life has far more to offer and that there are still important things to be achieved--that life must be experienced to the fullest. As a result, she pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity that will not let go of things. Becomes deeply involved and runs the risk of being unable to view things with sufficient objectivity, or calmly enough; is therefore in danger of becoming agitated and of exhausting her nervous energy. Cannot leave things alone and feels she can only be at peace when she has finally reached her goal.

Care's Restrained Characteristics

Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.

Insists that her hopes and ideas are realistic, but needs reassurance and encouragement. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.

Care's Desired Objective

Wants to make up for what she feels she has missed by living with exaggerated intensity; in this way she feels she can break free from all the things that oppress him.

Care's Actual ProblemThe fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

****************************

Free personality analysis from ColorQuiz.com.
Generated on Mon Sep 1 06:42:46 2008.
Your Existing Situation

This represents a barrier between the compensatory colors which precede it and the remaining colors.

Your Stress Sources

Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Exacting in her emotional demands and very particular in her choice of partner. The desire for emotional independence prevents any depth of involvement.

The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.

Feels rather isolated and alone, but is too reserved to allow herself to form deep attachments. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.

Your Desired Objective

Wants to make up for what she feels she has missed by living with exaggerated intensity; in this way she feels she can break free from all the things that oppress him.

Your Actual ProblemTakes a delight in action and wants to be respected and esteemed for her personal accomplishments.

earthfart count = 5

2007-04-28T20:02:00.000+08:00

the weather's been pretty weird lately. It's the summer so that means it's supposed to be hot. But it's been raining quite a bit. yesterday i thought there was some kind of storm. mom was in the island so i was a bit worried that she wouldn't be able to come home. weird thing. not one drop of rain. and now, its raining again but only a light drizzle.

on other things.... i'm so glad to be out of the heat. I'm on house duty these days. my job's basically preparing the tools for the elections. so now... lots of money's lying all over my bed. my hand's gotten a bit stiff from stapling. but it's all good. the smell of new money is yummy.

elections = dirty. politics = family business. what am i to do? play in the dirt and wash after?

earthfart count = 4

2007-04-05T21:12:00.000+08:00

on our way home from lot 168, it rained again. It's been really really hot here. they say its the holy week heat. because of the rain hitting the really hot roads, the earth farted again. Twas a good afternoon, spending time at the beach picking up shards of glass.

On the personal front, things have been going really well round here. I've already jogged twice and i've only been here for 4 days. The first day doesn't count because i didn't get to sleep and we had to wake up at 4 AM to get to the airport. Tom, i hope to jog again. So yey on the exercising. I've also been dieting. well, sort of. Haven't been eating rice. now that's a very good thing but the problem is that i tend to eat a lot of whatever else is on the table. Good thing we always have fish so that's not much of a calorie issue. Just gotta lie low on the juice and fruit shakes.

On the political front, things are a bit crazier. Dad's being dramatic, scared that he won't win. There are only four of them running for board member and there are three slots up for grabs. From the outset, you'd think he shouldn't be scared since he's the incumbent and this is his third time running. The thing is... Philippine politics is based on 2 things: money and popularity. Money we don't have much of so we have to rely on popularity. Dad is popular to a certain extent but he's not really really up there. For the past 2 elections, he came in 3rd. Two of his current opponents are newbies. Then again, Al has been the right hand man of the congressman and so he's had a lot of interaction with the barangay captains. The other guy, Yul, is using the machinery of the former governor who won in our district and also has lots of money to burn. We shall have to see how things are gonna go. As for Mom, there's a lot of black propaganda against her. Bunch of lies really. Sad thing is that my aunt and uncle are the ones behind the propaganda. Crazy crazy elections....

earthfart count = 3

2007-03-16T17:03:00.000+08:00

i just had to say this... not doing anything at all is getting boring.

That oh-So-blessed feeling

2007-03-13T15:42:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling so good. family issues aside, i really have nothing to complain about. It seems like everything is falling in to place. I didn't even need to really go through a period of difficulty and tension. Here I am now and I feel so damn good!

I got in Standard Chartered. Woohoo! I was feeling pretty bad before because I wasn't offered something by Shell. But as it turns out, there is a much better plan for me. Had I gotten into Shell I know that I wouldn't really look for another opportunity because 1.) Shell's offer is pretty good, 2.) there's a freaking car included in the pictures, 3.) i've kinda convinced myself that I wanted SHell, and 4.) i'm lazy. SC is so much better because 1.) better pay, 2.) it's in finance so that's in line with my dream of working in ADB, and 3.) it's an international program.

I'm extra happy because I asked the HR head if I could go to IC in Turkey given that I would be taking a 2-week leave. She allowed me to and now... I AM GOING TO IC!!!!

And of course... life won't be complete without a Care-booboo. After going through 3 interviews in SC, I only realized today that I've been calling the HR head by the wrong name. I was kinda confused because the person contacting me and the HR head both had the same name.. i thought the person contacting me was just acting on the behalf of the HR head.. turns out.. I was wrong the whole time. haha. Life is less complicated than I think it is. :D and it is oh so good!

Only in Pinas

2007-03-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

On my way home from Manila, I saw this calesa - a makeshift horse-drawn carriage - along España. It's uncommon to see this on a major highway. But in this country where almost anything goes, I just had to laugh. too bad i couldn't take out my camera soon enough.

family issues

2007-03-03T19:01:00.000+08:00

So what are you supposed to do if you're being threatened of being disowned? Being disowned would mean:
1. no inheritance - loss of access to family wealth (oh shit!)
2. no more family gatherings - no more christmas, no more fiestas, no more drunken parties together
3. quick access to funds - so they're the richer and more accessible side.. but then again, if i start working already, i'd be independent.

Should i really care?

Back story to follow.. gonna go get drunk.

Great Ending

2007-02-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

Well... Uni hasn't really ended yet but I only have one exam to go. I had my last ever report of my life as an ADMU undergrad. I thought it didn't go so well 'coz sir venida gave some comments. It was so frustrating because I already foresaw those problems but I just didn't include them. Then we learned that we got an A. Whee! Galing noh!

I had a really good massage at fitness first care of mervin. The masseuse popped so many air bubbles that my back was quite sore after. Many air bubbles = tons of stress. Air bubbles popped and with a starbucks coffee cup in hand, i went to ADMU to give that report... And now... I have just one exam to go. Then I'm free. :)

Earthfart count = 2

2007-02-27T01:14:00.000+08:00

rained again. earth farted again. weather is really weird. it's not yet supposed to be raining. summer has yet to come but it was raining really bad.

had my last meal at manang's as a student of ateneo today. it should all feel so memorable and whatever.... or at least I think.But it doesn't. the stress is overtaking. the nostalgia will come later.

earth fart season coming soon

2007-02-20T17:45:00.000+08:00

Earth Fart - it's my own term for that stench when there's a light drizzle in the middle of a really hot day. This normally happens when it drizzles while the sun is still up. Either of two things happen after, 1.) it stops raining and the stink remains or 2.) the rain becomes really really strong. There's a belief that earth farts are connected to stomach pains. (Weird. I know.)

According to a friend of mine, summer is going to start two weeks earlier this year. I'm too lazy to actually look this up right now. It must be true since it's really hot right now and it's only February! This is the kind of weather we get around mid-March. I haven't smelled earth fart in a while but I did on my way home today. I guess I have to prepare myself for really hot days and sudden bursts of rain in between. And stomach pains too... hehe.

Can't wait to get back home to Bohol where I can lounge in the beach or at the farm...

10 days to go...

2007-02-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

yep... only a few more days to go and i no longer need to wrestle with any of my undergraduate classes. It's supposed to be a stressful time for everyone and it truly is. But I really feel no desire to study... instead, i procrastinate.

10 days... shet! what am i going to do with my life after????

always amazed

2007-02-15T00:57:00.000+08:00

I've been bloghopping again. That's been my ostrich move of choice lately. What's an ostrich move? It's a stupid idea I got from a friend. Ostriches, in times of danger or whenever they panic, bury their heads in the ground. Stupid birds yes but they do make a beautiful metaphor for procrastination.

anywho.. back to what i was saying. I've been reading the blogs of AIESECers and seeing how they think and what their experiences have been like. One thing I noticed is that so many of them are so immersed in their AIESEC life and they feel they are actually making a difference. Sadly, I don't think that the same is true for me at all. Being in the MC should make me feel like I'm touching people's lives or doing something significant. I did when I was among the facilitators of NLDS... well, maybe I did. But now, I really just can't think of anything good that I am contributing. AIESEC, at this point, has become a thorn that I just want to remove but can't or won't. Supposedly, there are a lot of opportunities out there offered in AIESECland. But, c'mon! I have to get real. Economics is an issue.

But I'm still glad whenever I read these blogs because I feel a push to go beyond my limits. I've always been one to move away from my comfort zone. I'm very good at establishing comfort zones and really enjoying my time. But after a while, I get bored and I constantly need a change of pace, a challenge. Reading blogs allows me to see the possibilities.. the new perspectives... the challenges I have not yet experienced.

AIESECers will always amaze me. I've never felt that it was an international org until APX 2006. I want to go to india but i can't afford it. Oh well... If i decided to stay in the MC for another year, I just might end up going to another conference. Whee! let's hope for that.

****

Happy V-day! More like Singles Awareness since a lot of people are online on Yahoo!Messenger. As for me, Mogu is my Valentine. Mogu's this Japanese stuff toy I got from a friend. He's soft, cuddly, and is somehow able to hug me back with his long arms. Spent V-day in such a pathetic manner... Went to BPI to take an exam for employment - that was 4 hours long. I passed and I got an interview. (yey!) then I went home and watched sappy movies while doing my homework. I watched the Notebook, 50 First Dates, and 40 Year Old Virgin. What a sap! The Notebook made me cry again. It's a beautiful love story. My favorite scene is Allie is just about to leave Noah again and he tries to convince her to stay. Aww... nice explanation on love...

Substandard

2007-02-10T02:36:00.000+08:00

did i really give substandard work? I know I didn't exactly give my best considering I only made my paper in 30 minutes. But for them to say that i copy pasted... that they weren't satisfied... well.. that made me feel like shit. why? because I don't think what I gave was shit. they told me summarize. So I did. then it's off? kala ko ba mamaya na yung analysis? shet! this isn't anything about them.... this is me. Shit! this shouldn't have happened. This should never happen. I mean.. my groupmates have given me work that was unsatisfactory before.. but I usually expected it when it happens. But this time, I didn't expect it. Maybe this is why i feel shitty? Gotta let go. now.

arg! MEDIOCRITY is not something i am comfortable with. Then again, seems like, MEDIOCRITY is a reality I'm stuck in. Fuck!

Backward Then Forward

2007-02-03T16:19:00.000+08:00

This is definitely a long overdue look back at the past year, 2006. I’ve been thinking of doing this for quite some time now but I’ve never really given myself the chance to sit down and really reflect on what the year has meant to me. So now, because my insomnia is kicking in again (3:30 AM right now and I have been sleeping at around this hour for the past few days), I’ve decided on buckling down and let my thoughts flow.

There were several different approaches to writing that I thought of. Should I be doing this chronologically? Or should I be focusing on the key events? I realize that there are actually a couple of key themes for 2006 and these are what I want to focus on. To me, looking back at the past is pointless unless you learn from it to change the future. Looking forward to 2007 is thus a key exercise as well.

Relationships/People

2006 was a year of relating to people. I lost a couple of friends – or maybe they were quasi-friends. That was a tough time and to this day I think about those people. However, I really have no desire to keep in touch. Too much has been done and some bridges have been burned. I guess leaving some people behind is a part of growth.

I’ve also cemented a lot of my friendships most especially with the Bitching Hour group, and with Mervin and Drew. My bond with Cesca, Vincent, and Rissa has been made stronger by the projects we did (marketing and superproject), all the nights we slept in each other’s houses (for a time, I averaged 4 overnights a week at either Rissa’s or Cesca’s), and especially the times we’ve bitched. Romel and BC are of course special members of the Bitching Hour group as well. Romel, we went through a lot in 2006. We had our period of silence and I’m glad that we’re back to being Bitching mates. Mervin will always be a key person in my life. What 2006 really brought were more closeness, Payatas, Uwemedimo, overnights at his house – more opportunities to get to know each other better. As for Drew, so much time was spent together doing MC work or just getting stuck in traffic trying to do MC work.

I’ve also made a lot of new friends. Let’s start locally. My growing involvement in AIESEC has really given me the chance to interact with more people and I feel so blessed. There’s the entire MC team (Tabbee, Amy, James, Maya, Drew, Oryx, and Lesley). Truth be told, (except for Drew) I didn’t really interact with these people before my term as MCVP-F. Today, I feel that I’ve really gotten the chance to get to know them, especially in those trying times when we had to make changes in the direction of AIESEC Philippines (Planning, Agenda Setting, Facilitating the Conferences, Weekly meetings). The APXLDS team is another group that will always have a specific place in my heart, special mention to Gladys. Gladys, I’ve gotten to learn so much from you. You have a gift with people and I’m thankful for having experienced that gift. The entire AIESEC Philippines from the LCPs, the LCVPs (especially my Finance team), and the new members (special shout-outs to those who went to NLDS) also have to be mentioned. Outside of AIESEC, I would have to go back to the people from Branders. I’ve written several long entries about that experience so I won’t go back into the details. Tyts, David, Drei, I shall always remember the 5 weeks we spent together and I hope we will be keeping in touch.

This year has also been an exposure trip for me. It started out with APXLDS. Woodsy, who spent 5 extra days in Bohol, would always be remembered for opening my eyes to his ideas (The two kinds of people: the whys and the why-nots). The facilitators of the conference were a challenge but I did learn so much from them. Yat Wan is probably one of the nicest, sweetest people I’ve met in AIESEC. Shantanu is such an amazing thinker. Rishabh, Pruthvi, Gary, Susan – the nicest facis and I will always remember you. Jing Wei, Hui Lin, Lanchani, Halmen, Tilly, and Ren Bin– they were amazing as well. And of course, the delegates, especially the Aussies, the Bangladeshis, the UAE people, and the Japanese, really just opened my eyes to the diversity in this world.

And then there’s Gourami. The Filipino gang – Iara, Carms, Jo and our coach, Sydney. My best buddies at EP Central, Weilin and Victoria. The entire EP Central team, Amie, Chee Hou, Abhi, Michelle, Kevin, David, and Fiona, and of course, our coaches, Zharin and Chen Qi. My drop bear mate, Tony. My roomie, Sarah. And all the other people I met there – Roger, Wee Meng, the Shanghai girls, Sabrina, Yish, Ellen, Patrick, Alex and so many others. The coaches, the coordinators, even the stakeholders. All these people have added color to my life. I hope to keep in touch and maybe build longer lasting friendships with these people. It is hard for me to put down in words the impact that has been made in my life. This experience is definitely one to be remembered til I am old and grey.

Pushing Boundaries/Pushing Myself

I’ve faced a lot of challenges and new experiences in 2006. The people I met definitely made a mark. But I too made many interpersonal changes. With my academics, I’ve realized my potential. I know now that I will be able to do work my ass off for countless hours to achieve great results. Super project was definitely a challenge but my group and I were up to the task. SuperTyphoon Milenyo added to the spice of the super project. Gourami was also very challenging. At the start, I was so lost that I was scared of ending up useless. At the end of 3 days, we, EP Central, became the champions for gas. We produced it, transported it, and then we sold it (uhm.. planned on doing these thing at least).

AIESEC. AIESEC. AIESEC. Challenges abound and I keep on coming back. I visited the hospital twice this year because of AIESEC. I think before 2006, the last time I went to the ER was when I was 7 or 6 due to high fever (was only given medicine and told to go). APXLDS was the first push. Seven or so days of running around Bohol Tropics, sleeping at 2 or 3 AM and then waking up at 7 AM, meeting all the demands and requests of the facilitators and the delegates. Then finally, that dark day when I just couldn’t give anymore of myself, I fainted. As is typical of me, what was supposed to be a really dramatic situation became a bit of comedy. I knew I was getting weak from the fatigue, the emotional stress, and the lack of nourishment and for some reason, I also knew that I was going to faint. So I ended up telling Glads to call people because I really needed to go to the hospital already. Doesn’t seem funny on writing but ask glads to recount it and she’ll always end up laughing. The second visit was actually due to another Careism. I kind of did a stunt and jumped over this barrier but because the floor was slippery, I fell and literally banged on the floor. Twas my first time to get a back xray so that was actually kind of cool.

In relation to this theme, the most impactful part of 2006 was my decision to join the MC. I didn’t want to at first. Before APXLDS, I told myself that I was just going to do APX to have some sort of international experience and then finish my time in my LC as VP for Outgoing Exchange. Restructuring and APX pushed me to join the MC. Incoming and Outgoing exchange were combined into one department and the VP of Exchange was the VP for ICX. No offense to Loren, but I refused to be a director when I had already worked my ass of in OGX for 2 years. APX also allowed me to see the richness of the AIESEC Culture and I realized that I didn’t really allow myself to be immersed in AIESEC. As a member of the MC, I’ve done the finances and the administrative work. I’ve worked closely with my LCVPs. I’ve facilitated conferences. I’ve talked closely to alumni. Taking charge of the national operations has been an experienced that really allowed me to know what I am capable of.

Looking Forward

Since I’m graduating in March, it is without a doubt that 2007 will be a year of great changes for me. I’ve really been thinking about what the future holds for me. At the start of 2006, I was thinking of studying Mandarin in Shanghai, Beijing or Ghuangzhou. At some point, I also thought of spending a few months in the US to have time for myself. I also thought of going for MCP. I won’t lie. The idea crossed my mind several times but I don’t think that’s the path for me. I also thought of going on a traineeship or going out as a CEEDer. I even wanted to try for being a facilitator for APXLDS in India. I’ve also been thinking about the different industries that I could go into. Shell was among the first options but that didn’t pan out. I thought of politics, UN, ADB, WorldBank. These are organizations that I won’t be joining in the near future but will always have in mind. I’m trying to decide between banking and consultancy.

I can not discount the things that have happened in 2006. My eyes were opened and I don’t want to limit myself anymore. I would still like to work somewhere that I can make a high impact or somewhere that could eventually need to those multilateral organizations. I can not just leave AIESEC and head for the future. One factor is that I still feel a sense of responsibility for the APX debt. And I cannot just close my eyes to the thoughts and ideas of other AIESECers all over the world – ideas were shared through the blogs they wrote. I can not be satisfied with the ordinary path. Or can the ordinary path lead to extraordinary things? We shall have to see what 2007 holds.

Gordon's proposed solutions

2007-01-22T21:00:00.000+08:00

I've always liked Dick Gordon. He was able to make great changes in the Subic Freeport Zone such that it seemed like a world totally different from the rest of the Philippines. He came up with the WOW! Philippines program which has significantly boosted tourism. Bohol has especially benefited from this boom. He also has a very good track record as one of the country's senators. In a political system where corruption is the rule, it is refreshing to find a politician who is unafraid to speak his mind, set his goals, and actually achieve them.

Maybe, just maybe, there is hope for the Philippines.

an excerpt from an article on Gordon...

Untying the Gordon Knot

Dick wants to use this greater Executive-Legislati ve collaboration to address more effectively the major obstacles to accelerated economic growth to include the modernization of infrastructure in the country; the improvement of education; the improvement of public services; and eradicating graft in government.

"We have today many opportunities that could spell huge dividends if our infrastructure were only better. We can double our tourism arrivals if we had the rooms, the airports, flights and the facilities to host them... We could also spur greater growth in agriculture, industry and services if our infrastructure were up to speed...We could do many more things that could rival our high-growth neighbors if only we had made the necessary investments in infrastructure, like in an adequate and efficient national railway system, in earlier years."

Praise for the Filipino woman

2007-01-17T10:30:00.000+08:00

finally! some good news about the Philippines and the Filipino woman. we're ahead in reaching one of the Millenium Development Goals (MDGs). We're the number 6 country to promote gender equality and have joined the ranks of other more developed European nations. Woohoo! Go Pinas

Here's to Women!

fall on me

2007-01-13T20:25:00.000+08:00

Why is it so hard to just let go and fall?

"Ever The Same"

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Care-isms at 3 AM

2007-01-09T03:10:00.000+08:00

now that i've got only about 7 weeks to go before i stop studying, i realize that lately I've been perfecting the art of bumming more than anything else. After so many semesters of working my ass off staying in this course, I'm finally taking a real break. Talk about the proper preparation for real life. haha...So what has my veg-ing produced?

1. overthinking
as is evidenced by my past entries. duh.
2. watching almost 10 episodes of coupling in one night
instead of doing my work for theo and philo, i watch coupling. good job di ba? after so many years of studying, cramming has truly become an artform perfected and work can now be done in less time. woohoo!
3. too much sleeping
i've already gone through the my insomnia can overcome sedatives stage. i'm now back to the i'm sleeping too much that i wake up early in the morning and sleep at all sorts of odd hours and always only for a few hours stage.
4. Too much uploading
my multiply is way too updated.
5. have been doing lots of other stuff but still bored
my brain is running too fast. hmm.. how do i make it stop?

hmm... ooh! what if i'm going to end up like mom and dad? living a retired lifestyle without really being retired. haha. that means i'm totally prepared for the future now.

i'm so happy this is my last sem of stupid theo. 7 weeks to go and several episodes of House season 3 and grey's anatomy season 3 to watch. :)

ok... time to work.

on the side: what is up with brits and australians? i don't get all the references

Bungee Jumping

2007-01-08T21:03:00.000+08:00

Bungee jumping (or bungy jumping) is an activity in which a person jumps off from a high place (generally of several hundred meters/feet) with one end of an elastic cord attached to his/her body or ankles and the other end tied to the jumping-off point. When the person jumps, the cord will stretch to take up the energy of the fall, then the jumper will fly upwards as the cord snaps back. The jumper oscillates up and down until the initial energy of the jump is dissipated. (from wikipedia)

**********************

random word = random thought

bungee jumping = Gourami experience

i dove fully into the experience, giving so much of myself into it. got to know a lot of people, got to have a really different experience, got to know myself better. but the jump is over now and i have to go back to my world. i have to take what i can get and i did but life has to go on. when one bungee jumps, the high will be experienced for only a moment but will always be a wonderful memory. that experience is over now. life goes on.

in a broader life application sense, many experiences are like bungee jumps. We fall. we dive. we crash. we plunge. but always with a string attached. always with a string to pull us back to where we were before the jump. after the jump, it may seem like eveything's back to normal but in truth, the high will always remain with you.

Lofty dreams (Nobel Peace Prize)

2007-01-08T03:31:00.000+08:00

My friend and I were discussing Muhammad Yunus, Nobel Peace prize winner of 2006, and how he could possibly be the speaker for our graduation ceremony (grad in 3 months. last day of school in 7 weeks. woohoo!!!) We talked about how he got the peace prize through his micro-credit program in Bangladesh. As is typical of me, I got to thinking about what it takes to win the nobel peace prize. Haha.. I can see the headlines now "Daught of GL from small province in backwater Philippines wins peace prize." GL - gambling lord. (note: my dad's only a small time gambling lord and only for legal gambling i.e. cockfighting) More seriously... how does one go about winning the peace prize eh? kidding around with these thoughts is never going to get me anywhere.

*************************

The Nobel Peace Prize for 2006

The Norwegian Nobel Committee has decided to award the Nobel Peace Prize for 2006, divided into two equal parts, to Muhammad Yunus and Grameen Bank for their efforts to create economic and social development from below. Lasting peace can not be achieved unless large population groups find ways in which to break out of poverty. Micro-credit is one such means. Development from below also serves to advance democracy and human rights.

Muhammad Yunus has shown himself to be a leader who has managed to translate visions into practical action for the benefit of millions of people, not only in Bangladesh, but also in many other countries. Loans to poor people without any financial security had appeared to be an impossible idea. From modest beginnings three decades ago, Yunus has, first and foremost through Grameen Bank, developed micro-credit into an ever more important instrument in the struggle against poverty. Grameen Bank has been a source of ideas and models for the many institutions in the field of micro-credit that have sprung up around the world.

Every single individual on earth has both the potential and the right to live a decent life. Across cultures and civilizations, Yunus and Grameen Bank have shown that even the poorest of the poor can work to bring about their own development.

Micro-credit has proved to be an important liberating force in societies where women in particular have to struggle against repressive social and economic conditions. Economic growth and political democracy can not achieve their full potential unless the female half of humanity participates on an equal footing with the male.

Yunus's long-term vision is to eliminate poverty in the world. That vision can not be realised by means of micro-credit alone. But Muhammad Yunus and Grameen Bank have shown that, in the continuing efforts to achieve it, micro-credit must play a major part.

Oslo, 13 October 2006

taken from: http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/2006/press.html

plunge

2007-01-08T03:27:00.000+08:00

Is it time to take that plunge? Forget all mistakes done. Forget all past issues. Forget all questions. Is it time to jump in to the muck? Is it time?

.... still standing on the edge waiting for a push.

Restless

2007-01-03T18:53:00.000+08:00

I'm back in manila from a relatively long break - relative only to other students here because 3 weeks really isn't that long. Once again I'm experiencing that "I hate that I'm back but I'm glad just the same" feeling. It's always the same right when I get back. I realize that Bohol is so much better than manila and yet I know that when I'm in Bohol, I also ache to get back to manila where my life is. As I always say, my life is in manila and it goes on pause when I'm in Bohol. Maybe there's something wrong with all this compartmentalization. Is it better to have some fluidity in life? Hmm.. how do I explain fluidity... Better to explain compartmentalization first. Fluidity is sort of the opposite of compartmentalization. Compartmentalization is basically saying that I have one life in this place and another life in this place. Basically, what happens in one place (the people, the experiences, the drama) stay in that one place and what happens in another is a different story altogether. Everyone, to some degree, compartmentalizes. There's the work/school life, the family, the religious life, and everything else. But the question I pose is that what if we take out these compartments and really allow the different facets of our lives to mix? What happens at work/school gets brought to the family and your friends know your family... everything gets together in this one messy pool and YOU are at the center of it all. Is this fluidity better? Could it be that my life is just way too compartmentalized? Or! is there a missing ingredient to put it all together (i'm alluding to God once again or maybe not... you tell me)?

Maybe this is why I feel so restless. They say that Asians (in my case, Filipinos) are naturally inclined to communities. The family unit, especially, is a very important part of our lives to the point that few Filipinos actually move out of their parents' home when they start working (there's an economic reason too but many just like being home) I have a different situation. My parents are in the province, my siblings are in another city, and although I love with my cousin and his wife, our schedules don't match. I can say, to a certain degree, I live alone. Now if there were many other people who live alone out here then this should not be a problem. But such is not the case since most people either live with their families or live somewhere near school (which I live far from). Perhaps, it is this situation that has brought out the strong compartmentalization. Even worse, it is probably why I always feel restless. thus bringing about the feeling that I talked about when I began.

Very long line of thought.... but maybe.. I'm just too lazy to actually push myself to go out and do things... I just really like being home, chilling with some people. It's probably the lack of a busy schedule that's getting to me. But I do have a point regarding compartmentalization... Like I said, you tell me what's better (at least for you).

feeling moody

2006-12-30T23:01:00.000+08:00

putang inang tukmanang at tukneneng...

**********

feeling crappy. moody. shitty. hellish.

*********

i like sleep but i can't sleep. Everyone else is sleeping already

**********

packshet!

*************

stop thinking. going nowhere. let go.

******************

2006 was a blast and I want to thank everyone who was a part of it.

***********

wonder what 2007 holds...

******

stop!

what are you passionate about?

2006-12-26T01:02:00.000+08:00

Have you ever seriously asked yourself this question? And when you answered, did you think about what your answer really meant? If you could identify that thing you're passionate about, then are you doing something about it? If yes, then good but are you making people's live better because of it? If no, then why not if that's what you're really passionate about? If you don't have an answer to this question, then doesn't it feel so bad to have gone through life and still be unsure about what makes you alive?

What am I passionate about?

I have no easy answer to this question. I've actually had to stop and really think about my answer. But at this point, what I believe I'm most passionate about are new horizons. the future. Not just the future in general, but making changes to make the future better not just for myself. I hope to create changes to make things better for the Filipino people. But I am scared because I don't think that I have the capacity to make any great changes. I am scared because there's a part of me that wants so bad to be selfish and just think about improving myself and making myself more interesting. But then I go back home and see all the poverty and the disarray and I feel for the Filipino. I feel for the poor Juan who just wants to be a domestic helper so that his family could eat. I feel for the poor Juana who works so hard and yet realizes that all her hardearned money gets wasted by her ungrateful family. I feel for the poor Juan who wants so badly to do well in school but could never understand his lessons because the teacher doesn't have time to teach him. I feel for the Juans and Juanas and I can not see myself turning my back. I don't know what I'm going to do. At this point, these are all just words. But there is the future to look to - a future i hope to actively participate in.

Christmas Contemplation

2006-12-25T23:46:00.000+08:00

It's tough coming from Manila and from Malaysia where you think that there's so much ahead of you. When you get back to the province, Bohol in my case, you realize that life and the future isn't really all that bright. It's a very somber christmas. My aunts commented that you can hardly hear the joy in people's voices when they sing. When I tried to really listen to the voices, i realized they were right. Christmas isn't as happy, fun, and exciting anymore. Today was really more about rushing from one house to another trying so hard to get as much money out of the holiday as you could. Sad to be in a very poor country....

(blank)

2006-10-21T21:40:00.000+08:00

goodbye friend. We knew each other once. We used to laugh and do stupid things together. Our relationship was never that deep. But you made a mark in my life. It's tough to think that I've grown so far apart from Pisay people. I may not be one of those people who are so well known in the batch but I still do feel a deep sense of camaraderie. We went through our most defining years together. We discovered life together. But now... We're no longer complete. Bye Jorge. You'll be missed.

*******************************************************************************

Still not comprehending fully. This is grief, I guess. So sudden. So unexpected. So surreal until it will sink in. If it sinks in...

Good bye cable

2006-09-14T20:37:00.000+08:00

My cable finally got cut today. I've been waiting for it to happen for almost two months now since dad told me that he doesn't want to pay for cable anymore. I've been trying to enjoy my cable more and I've learned to really appreciate it. So now.... I am definitely going to miss all those shows that I love to watch. I declare... I AM A COUCH POTATO! Watching TV is one of my favorite pasttimes. Probably my most favorite since it's what I do most often. So I've decided to list down the things that I love about TV...

1. Cheap entertainment
- you can watch it for hours and hours and it will never stop going. And all you have to pay is a small monthly fee
2. VAriety
- I can not stand watching just one thing unless its in a moviehouse. I love that I can flip through channels while the commercials are playing in the other channels.
3. Multi-tasking
- I always watch the TV while I'm doing something else. I'm usually doing homework or studying or AIESEC work or anything like that.
4. CNN/BBC/ANC
- I am a fan of news channels. They're easy and quick access to the most current news. You won't get everything of course but at least you have some idea of what's going on. All you have to do is change the channel.
5. Entourage
- I've just started watching this show and I'm sad that I'm no longer going to watch it. And to think, Vince is already going to be AquaMan.
6. ETC
- My favorite channel with veronica mars, one tree hill, the OC, beauty and the geek
7. StarWorld
- Kevin Hill
8. AXN
-CSI NY, CSI Las Vegas, Numbers
9. HBO and Star Movies
- My movie channels
10. Disney
- When i feel like a kid... no more sing-along high school musical for me
11. Brain-relaxing entertainment
- it is an idiot box. I like being an idiot every once in a while. Well at least its enough to distract part of my brain.

Cable... you will be missed. :(

Preparedness

2006-09-02T21:42:00.000+08:00

Delaying once again...
I'm supposed to be working on POM and theo this weekend but I haven't done anything yet. And I'm blogging.. Good job care!

*****************************************
I'm graduating next year. Finally I'm leaving the world of academia. Not for good because I still have a lot of plans for further studies - too many plans actually. Then what? Do I start working? Corporate? Be an AIESEC trainee? Continue with my AIESEC Career? At times I feel so prepared that my bloated ego would think that I could go out and conquer the world already. Now, I just feel so unprepared. I don't want to disappoint myself. Say what you want but I know I'm destined for great things. But what if I am not yet prepared? Preparedness does not necessarily mean academic preparedness. What about my work ethic? My own sanity? My emotional blah?

Is it so wrong to be so scared of having more responsibilities? Is this the wrong reaction? What's the right reaction?

(care speaking to care1 [yes, I would like to think I have multiple personalities]) there's nothing wrong with being scared. (care1 replying to care) I know but.. I just want it to stop and I feel guilty {stop! I'm freaking myself out}

Affected

2006-08-24T00:03:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I was buying shawarma in Philcoa when a kid approached me selling sampaguita. As always, I said no. It wasn't because I thought that the kid was being exploited by criminals although I do. It wasn't because I felt that there are better ways to help the kid because I do. Honestly, it was because I didn't want to. I'm admittedly a selfish person and at that time all I wanted to do was eat my shawarma. The kid was just a pest, like a fly that one swats. Sad noh? I was a bit affected by the kid and had a short dialogue with my self while I was walking through the overpass. But that was just my rationalization. I knew, or at least I thought I knew, that I wouldn't think about it again.

Today, we had a discussion on theology about the call for serving the poor and the needy especially in the Philippines. I raised the question in my group that if we agree that we are to serve then how are we to serve now, today while we are still young.

I went back to Philcoa today (because I stupidly left my cellphone in my friend's car). On my way home, a kid tapped my thigh and asked if I wanted to buy sampaguitas. My initial reaction was to say no and go home. But for some reason I decided to walk back a few steps and go to Goldilocks and by mamon for the kid. It felt good to give something to that kid. It felt good that I can finally say -and not feel dishonest- that i believe that it is best to give food to beggars. In a sense, I finally allowed myself to walk my talk.

So does this mean that I finally got affected by theo? maybe... maybe... It may not be so bad.

**************

Do we get sappier as we age? I think I am...

Silence

2006-08-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

I don't like having to be silent about this new issue. But i have to... this is totally new to me and I don't know if they will understand? Will i be happy with just being silent? i dunno...

Guilt, belief, love

2006-08-09T20:04:00.000+08:00

One more entry on my life's current issue...

According to Ma'am Azada's reading of Marcel's article From Opinion to Faith, Marcel's understanding of belief comes from the image of a loving God, a God that not only loves but loves unconditionally. The question that we must answer then is how do we respond to this love. We love in return. This love, according to Marcel, is most felt when we are disappointed. We are disappointed because we already have a preconceived notion of how God is to answer. But even if we are disappointed, we continue to love and we continue to believe.

The issue for me is guilt. Love comes with responsibility. As Ma'am said, we willingly give up our will not because we are coerced to but because we want to. Now if you say that you truly believe and that you truly love then shouldn't you be willing to give up your will for God? As Harold Sala said in church last Sunday, our living God requires a living sacrifice. We are to continually give up ourselves for God. But this is in no way a requirement. In fact, if we are not willing to do so then don't. But what if we feel that we ought to and yet we are unwilling to do so? How much can you hold on to your desires and truly believe? I feel like the prodigal daughter... although right now, I'm still in the pigsty figuring out if I should go back. We shall see how things are going to go....

I love Philo 103!

One more night of veg-ing in front of the TV. Gotta do my theo papers later. Watching Veronica Mars muna...

What a waste?

2006-08-07T17:12:00.000+08:00

My classes are so useless nowadays. It's supposed to be the year when I would learn all the shit that I'm going to use after college. I decided to overload just so that I could maximize my last year as an undergrad.

But then.... useless useless teachers. I want to drop one of my classes but I won't because I have to make the most of it. One of my teachers copies and pastes his outline from another book and even that he gets wrong. Wala pang kwentang makinig. Pumapasok lang ako kase bawal ubusin yung cuts.

Stress.... Here we go again... Care, turn on hyper mode

Patience is a difficult virtue

2006-07-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

written: july 30 1 am

I've been so confused lately about the state of my life and where the hell everything is going. Should I go back to that previous life - being a devout Chrisitian? The time when you feel somewhat left out at almost all times and yet so smug because you think you know you're right. Or do I stay in this muck I'm in? Always confused, always unsure and always willing to try whatever.

I was hanging out in Starbucks with Mervin a while ago and I asked him a question that's been bugging me for a long time. If you think you know that Christianity is the right way to go and yet you don't feel that you have the heart to actually go into it, what do you do? How do you mend a disconnect between the mind and the heart? (And this just now) Is it possible that this disconnect is what faith is all about?

He was frustrating me for the longest time by constantly asking me why I think the way I'm thinking and what I think is the answer to my questions. He said that I know the answers I just want someone to say what I want to hear. I don't know if what he did worked. But I don't want to admit it either way because I know it will get to his head (yes mervin i know that you're going to rub this in my face)

Maybe God is just telling me to wait for his own perfect timing. Be patient. He has the answer and that's that. But what do I do in between? What a mess! I hate being patient...

delaying reality

2006-07-05T22:00:00.000+08:00

I have a very bad habit of delaying reality when I have too many things to do. When I didn't have my DVDs of the OC and Desperate Housewives, I would play all sorts of games in between making reports. I have a test friday night. I have a paper due on that day too and for that paper I have to read a really long article for theo. I have homework and other shit but I choose to blog right now. I'm going to finish desperate housewives later pa.

I'm not sure if this is really just my nature (because I am a crammer at heart). But i'm getting scared that the things I do won't be able to measure up to the expectations my team has of me. Hay....

I'm getting tired but I'm still loving everything I'm doing. I'm just really really scared...

cutting class

2006-06-27T15:16:00.000+08:00

I cut my LS 125 class again.. hay.. second meeting = second cut. Shit! gotta get my act together. Can't afford for this year to not go well.

Technology is not in my side right now

bad mood

2006-06-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

i feel so gloomy. day started out good but i feel like shit. My colorquiz results seemed to be on the dot.. hay...

stress.. ate too much fast foods

2006-06-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

Care took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Wants to make up for what she feels she has missed..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Friday Night

2006-06-17T00:50:00.000+08:00

It's a friday night and I'm at home. It's my last day of summer break pa naman. Haha... Mahirap ng magpaka-responsible. Ok lang... for now. Pacing myself. Wouldn't want to have liver problems in the future

********

Bill Gates is stepping down. A news report from BBC said that some analysts have said that Microsoft is looking like IBM in the past. IBM was the leader in computer manufacturing. The only thing is that the money was in software which Microsoft dominated. Now, software is "free". Fast growing Google looks like its the most well adjusted for the new kind of market. Free software and viewing advertising at the same time.

Lesson learned: You can never be too careful. You can be leader for only a short period of time. Always prepare for the worst.

************

Happy Birthday Ontoi!!! Debut mo na

issue of faith

2006-06-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to post this yesterday but something was wrong with my connection to blogger. Today's a good day. But this is still food for thought.

--

We all have our own issues in life. We all have our own little insecurities and our own ways of dealing with these things. What makes us really different as people are the different ways we deal with our issues. I don’t mean to trivialize anyone’s issues but let’s face it. We all go through more or less the same thing but in different magnitudes and forms. Some choose to succumb to temptations. Some choose to cling to faith. Some choose to forget and let life lead the course. We won’t always be happy with our choices. But as I always say, we just have to deal with it.

I’ve been through a whole lot of religious confusion. I don’t actually like calling it religious because it really isn’t about religion but more about my relationship issues with God – calling it religious just makes it easier to prepare the mind for what’s coming. I can’t say that I am perfectly happy with my decision to let life lead its course. At this point, I don’t know what I believe in. I just know that I can’t stop moving. Maybe you could say that these are my issues and my insecurities. But I think that it really is just a matter of recognizing my reality. Actually dealing with it and creating changes is really so much more dependent on choice. I have to wait for my self to feel like choosing this path. Yes. This might be the wrong way to go about things. But this is the way that I am most comfortable with. So bear with me. If you can’t then there’s just nothing you can do but go away.

In order to understand what I’ve been saying, you have to understand that I’ve been a Christian all my life. I was a Sunday school kid. I was in the Youth group. I joined Bible studies. I even became the president of the Christian organization in my high school. I’d like to believe that I had a genuine relationship with Christ. It may have been more about knowledge than about the actual relationship but it was there. I understood what Christianity was all about. I read the Bible from end to end in order to make sure that I knew exactly what I believed in. But I really don’t know… I guess as life gets more complicated, it gets more difficult to hold on to faith.

What drives you?

2006-06-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

Have you ever asked yourself what drives you? What is it that makes you strive to be something more than mediocre? What makes you want to be great? Or not even great... what makes you want to achieve anything? And then when you answer that question, ask yourself if its really worth anything. Is achievement really useful? Except for that momentary satisfaction you will enjoy, what else is achievement good for? Why not just be in blissful mediocrity?

I always ask myself what is it really that makes me do all the crazy things I do. Why do I have to juggle all of these things when in the end they wouldn't really matter? If I really want to have a pragmatic approach, I wouldn't be doing all of these things. But I do them anyway. Why? Why? Why? and to what end? What do I get?

Don't get me wrong. I like all of the things that I'm doing. I do love having positions in AIESEC. I like having greater accountability and greater impact. But that doesn't stop me from asking these questions.

I've only been VP-F for a week and I have been constantly asking myself this question. My schedule has just become so very very full. I am constantly thinking of the next task. I am constantly think about all the other things I have to juggle. But at the same time, I am glad because as part of the MC I am able to witness how people work. The complexities of the human being have always been interesting to me.

But again I go back... what drives me? I don't know. I just run.

The tide changes

2006-06-04T12:21:00.000+08:00

Life is funny. A person prepares for a big big change and then when that big change doesn't happen that person gets really disappointed. It doesn't really matter if that change was something welcomed in the first place. Once you've prepared your mind for something, it has to happen. But if it doesn't happen then you cope. DuH! as if you really have a choice.

This happened to me. When the year started , I didn't think of joining the MC. I used to say that I would never join AIESEC Philippines. All that I was going to be was a VP of AIESEC ateneo and then go on a traineeship and then my life in AIESEC is over. But of course... life is crazy and things happen. So I was asked to apply for NST. AKo naman si gaga... tanggap agad basta new challenge and new opportunity. I saw that the VP-F position was also open. SInce i was already applying, why not go all the way. right? so I did. And i even started preparing for VP-F thinking that they would definitely get me since no one else ran. I joined all the communities. I looked at the budgets. I was even close to opening my accounting book just to brush up on my accounting skills. And then! I learn that my application was rejected and instead they made me NST (National Support Team). So ok fine... well not really ok. I was disappointed of course But that's what they gave me and I accept. Why not? It's for AIESEC. I'm not in the MC just for my personal fulfillment because if that was the case, I really wouldn't apply anymore. And then the tide changes....

I just got a call today. Apparently, they're promoting me to the same position I was rejected for. Haha! Life is funny. I accept. I don't do things to spite people or to make them beg. It's for AIESEC so here we go... My life is only going to get crazier.

Multi-tasking

2006-06-01T01:27:00.000+08:00

My head's aching. I think I've been doing too much multi-tasking. I'm even getting confused already. Gosh! i really have to slow down, learn to say no, and just plain freeze for a moment. But I can't. And it has to be ok with me. I can't because I like always having a lot to do. I can't because I love being around people (I live practically alone and it really gets tiring). I can't because my brain is hyper-active.

A lot of people say that we should enjoy our time as kids and being in school. But I don't know if people really understand that as kids we also want to be of high impact. It's not the love problems that we worry about. It's the issues that we face each and every day. (I may be referring to me and a few others but feel free to relate). The beauty of today's world that even as young people there's already so much we can do. So many opportunities are exposed to us and we also have the technology or capability to tweak things to our advantage. This is what frustrates me with a lot of people. Don't you understand? You have so much potential! It really isn't about what you can get. Because you can get so much learning by just putting yourself out there. YOu can get so much experience -experience that money can not buy - by doing more and more work. YEs. We get tired but as a young person, it's really too young for you to get burned out. Don't be lazy! Don't be complacent! Be pro-active. Just give until you can't give any more. Be wise and discerning of course. But I really don't think that we reach the point of not being able to give more. Life is so much more dynamic than that.

Remember! It is never enough. So multi-task if you must. :D

Intrapreneurship

2006-05-30T12:06:00.001+08:00

I got this off an AIESEC forum on AIESEC & Entrepreneurship.

For example, if you google intrapreneurship the second definition you'll come upon is "Intrapreneurship -- entrepreneurship within a large organization." The first one being "Intrapreneurship is Entrepreneurship practiced by people within established organisations."

We're being intrapreneurs if we develop some type of new thinking or doing something new in a organization that already exists. That happens every day in AIESEC, giving people chance to improve themselves. I don't think that's even a question, but the way we improve ourselves is by developing CREATIVITY (which is the KEY to entrepreneurship), I think @ helps us sooo much in that. From thinking how we're gonna recruit new members to thinking of a good answer in a middle of a meeting for a sponsorship. And the organization grows, because we SHARE those ideas between us.

devcon

2006-05-30T07:12:00.000+08:00

devcon is finally over and NST Care ended it with a hangover and another visit to the emergency room. Some thoughts lang...

I love the national eXchange team aka AIESEC girlfriends *snap*snap*snap*snap*

I'm so glad that James is the VP-X. She's gonna do a really good job and she's been very good with the team so far.

AIESEC ADMU is the best LC for me. Will always be a part of it kahit MC na ako.

OC APXLDS, we are going to pull through this. God give us miracles. But at least, we will always be the kidnap bears united in our captivity. heehee

Gladys, ang kagalang galang na upuan ng aming conference ay isa sa mga pinaka-mahal na alumni ng lahat ng tao. sana'y hindi ka maging PAI by age 35... pero mukhang papunta ka na dyan. haha

1 Conference:1 emergency room is my current ratio. So next conference, I'd hafta check kung saan ang pinakamalapit na desenteng hospital.

I love AIESEC parties, dances, songs, videos. More than anything I've realized that AIESEC is really a big part of my life and this is an organization that I really love.

things and islands

2006-05-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

There are so many things you want to say. There are so many things you think you understand. But you just don't want to say them. I guess it's just easier to deal with yourself than have to deal with what other people think. It's safer to say nothing but how long can you keep silent? How long can you bear knowing that no one else really understands just because you haven't told them? And then on the flip side, when you do tell them, they just don't understand and you end up regretting ever telling them? Where's the balance? This is why life is complicated.

I strongly believe that all people are islands. I think that no man is an island saying is such a limited analogy. No matter what we do, we are always alone. No one else can walk this earth for us. No one can ever really understand you and i mean really really understand you. Rather than being sad, rather than feeling bad for yourself, you have to face it. You have no choice. The moment we landed on this earth this is our plight. And all you can do is try to reach out. The good thing is that we are also archipelagoes. Life is really just a matter of building bridges, of opening yourself up to other people, of being vulnerable. But even if you've already made yourself vulnerable, even if you allow so many people to see you for who you really are, they would never really inderstand. No matter what you do, YOU ARE ALONE.

On the lighter side of things, I walked around Makati today and visited Mervin and Rissa. I was going to visit Ren too but she was too busy. I also went shopping. yey! BOught two pairs of jeans and!!! I was in a classics mood at powerbooks. I bought Alice's Adventure in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll, Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie, and Metamorphosis by Franz Kakfa. It's kinda late to be reading these books but it's important to appreciate the classics. You need to have deep roots in literature to really appreciate today's trash and the soon to be classics too.

L:imbo

2006-05-23T00:51:00.000+08:00

I'm in a sort of state of limbo right now. I guess it's really this way after you end a great experience. I felt this way after APXLDS (although there are smething about it that just won't go away) And here I am now, one weekend after my five week stint at Branders.com...

I don't think I was really able to think about what to expect. After all, my word to describe my Branders experience before April 17 was surreal. I just couldn't believe how everything worked out after all the stress I went through. So many things happened before getting the internship. I fainted... uh... hyper-ventilated for the first time in my life. I was worried about AIESEC but was also worried about still not having a job. I went back to Manila to be interviewed by Citigroup. I went back to Bohol two days after just because my dad wanted me home. Branders called me the tuesday after I went home and I accepted the day after. AND!!!! I got to reject Citigroup. (woohoo! my pride is back) It was just a whirlwind and I was just really excited. I couldn't believe that I finally had a job. I had no real expectations, maybe except to befriend the other MEAn who would be interning. I didn't expect to make friends. I didn't even have any expectations on how we were going to be treated. Hell! I didn't know what the set-up was really going to be like except that we were going to work for the 3 VPs. I knew that there were ME people. I was already familiar with Tytana's name but I didn't even know how she looked like or what her personality's like. She's a friend of Rissa's so she musn't be awful.

I'm really happy about my time in Branders.

ok! wait... sidetrip. I can't keep on writing this sappiness. I wrote something down a while ago when I was still being sappy. I felt like sharing it so I was going to type it up. The thing is... I'm kinda over it already. and all the things i wrote, well almost all the things I wrote is icky. One thing I really agree with though is I get sappier with age. But! the cynical bitch in me still exists so there... haha

If there's anything that matters in this world, it's the relationships you make. It doesn't really matter how great a worker you are, it doesn't matter if you're the super multi-tasker. People will forget about all that, especially if you're someone in the background - support in other words. I'm not a big fan of being in support because I like the recognition. But over this summer, I've learned about just how valuable support is in branders and in a conference. It doesn't really matter where you are though. You will be remembered because of the connections you make. Only thing when you're front and center is that you have the opportunity to make more connections. I regret not making so many connections in APX. I'm pretty sure no one but the aussies and the other organizers would remember. Maybe the facilitators would but I'm really not sure about that. They will probably only remember me as that crazy girl who would use two photocopying machines at the same time while in a meeting. In Branders, I'm glad that the opposite is true. I got to know some people who I hope would be my friends for a long time.

First of all, there's DAVE. He's the first one I really got to know. We had a bonding sessin in UP. We went to Metrowalk for the first time as BRanders employees together. We also crossed the barrier along MEralco Ave that night. HE's a really funny guy with this uncanny ability to talk to people and ask them questions and make everyone laugh. He has the dave moves with the jacket and the dave finger pointing and of course the dave vector field. He can get distracted but that's funny too.

And then there's DREI, malanding purple boy. Haha.. He saw my weird work moments - talking to myself in order to write, getting his attention to ask a question but before I could ask him the question I blurt out the answer. He saw my insecure moments or fishing moments ba yun? We shall never know. And! he's the only guy who admitted na malandi siya. HAHAHAHA... And he's really nice too..

And of course TYTANA. tinatamad na ako... (She just got me to help her on her project. haha.) ah! ayun! She doesn't like hugging me!!! hmph! Hinde... well... she's a really nice girl who loves to have fun and I really like that about her. She's always smiling. And she's a kind of person who's ok with all age groups. Only thing is that she can confuse the younger generation. haha. She's one of the people that I would like to emulate because of the way she handles her finances... stop na.

so many other people actually but these three are the ones i really got to know.

Let's buckle up.Limbo time is over. Gotta get back on track... i want to make the world a better place pa naman. and of course!!!! bring world peace.. haha.. (i'm half serious by the way)

2006-05-21T06:40:00.000+08:00

No more night shift for me....

--

2006-05-21T00:58:00.000+08:00

just a random thought produced by boredom....

Is this blogging thing a real avenue to write down what a person actually thinks? Are the things that we write in our blogs for real? Or are we saying things that we want to think that we think? or things that we want people to think we think? Is this blogging thing giving us a license to be someone else? To paint a picture of who we want to be? But is that really bad?

When we have the license to write, we can put down any bullshit we want. There are no censors. There is no way for anyone to really say you're wrong. Or be careful of what you say stupid.

Or maybe we have to become careful of the things we write in blogs. Maybe they're not the things that we really think. This is just one more place to filter, one more thing to be careful of. It's coz all we want to be is to be heard...

I guess all i want to be is to be heard...

I love Branders

2006-05-20T08:22:00.000+08:00

WARNING: A really long and cheesy post is about to come your way. It was a fun summer and there's just so much to remember.

I just came from the final dinner with the CEO, Jerry. Sosyal ang Branders sa Circles sa Makati Shangri-la pa kami kumain. I am so full. For the first time in my life, I can actually say that I am filled to the brim (somewhere above the heart if you want to know the exact spot). Since my stint at Branders just ended, I've decided to reminisce about everything that happened. I love my experience at Branders and I want to remember every step of the way. Another warning though, my brain is so disorganized so this is going to randomly move from one point to another.

I started working in Branders on my birthday. I had dinner with a bunch of friends at teazann in metrowalk to celebrate my 20th and then my friends brought me to Unionbank bldg. I decided to change my approach to people and just be nice and open to talking. So there I was, 10-15 minutes late and I saw these two guys who seemed a bit unsure of their own status. That's how I met Drei and Dave. We started talking right away and even went to the point of formulating a plan of how to attack these projects. We thought that we would be able to really help each other out so we made a pact to be a team. We met Gerry Santamaria and then Jerry McLaughlin. And for the first time in our lives, we spoke to the TV and it spoke back. HAHAHAHAHA.... (We had our first video conference). We got to talk to Claire Covington and Eduardo Pretell. David Sipes was still in transit at that time so we really had no idea what to do.

After that video con, we went to our cubicles and of course got a few stares. We got branders email accounts and phones right away of course. Mine is cuy@branders.com. Oh wait! I almost forgot. We got to meet our mentors: Tytana Yap, Joie Fuentes, and Carl Abito. Being the girl, I got Tytana as my mentor but she eventually became our SUPER MENTOR/TOUR GUIDE/ MOMMY/ PLAYMATE. This experience wouldn't be as fun without Tytana.

FIRST PROJECT with DAVID SIPES: PRODUCT SOURCING STRATEGY
I was just lost for the first two days because I had no idea what I was really supposed to do. I couldn't get any clarifications because Sipes wasn't around. I decided to learn as much as I could about auctions. After a while, I felt like an expert on auction terminologies because that's all I could get. But what worth do terminologies have if you're not going to use it? So I was an expert in useless. I finally got to talk to SIpes and he guided me (sort of. a bit. but i was already lucky) through the project. The bonus there is that Sipes is actually quite cute. Haha.. Kinda distracting when he's talking to me and he gets so intense pa naman.

I had 3 Care booboos in the course of that project. (wow! how surprising... more care booboos. what we get those things at least once a week) Number one, I kicked the power box of my computer. turned out that I also killed all the phones in my row. I was so scared coz everyone just started shouting and i didn't know what to do. betts to the rescue (at that time, she was scary Betts). Number two, I was supposed to ask some questions to Lauren, the merchandising manager. I obviously had no real idea about the things I was asking her about. We both ended up confused and tired. Good job care! you're first actual business e-mail conversation was a mess. Number 3, the Dolly incident. Haha! I scared a supplier. She even called Claire. I don't even want to remember what happened.

2nd PROJECT with CLAIRE: CC SHOP
Was so happy to get a project where I knew exactly what to do. I was gonna attempt finishing the thing in two days pero tinamad din ako after a while. I ended up finishing it one day early though. Ooh! I had a great time bashing... este.. giving constructive suggestions for the Branders website. Haha!!!

3rd PROJECT with EDUARDO: Phone Practices
Oh God! I had to interview so many people, ISRs and MAnagers. That was so tiring but it was really fun. I got to know a lot of people from Branders. It was an attempt to understand how everything is being done.

FINAL REPORT: The TV talks again
This was so scary!!!! I was the last person to report and everyone was just so tired. I spoke too fast na naman. But I reached a good pace by the second project so I think that was good. The funniest thing is that Jerry told me that "it takes a lot of courage to say your criticisms of the website to senior management." Oops! Care is tactless once again. Haha.

The EATS: BIZU, KAYA, DAD'S, CPK, CIRCLES (yes. we were spoiled.)
Bizu: The first breakfast as an intern and it was with Jerry and just Jerry. I got salmon omelette and we also got to eat Jerry's favorite cookies. We knew we were gonna be so spoiled. It was interesting to get to know more about Jerry's life and especially how he loved to talk. Haha.

Kaya: Dave was rejected by a girl! haha. Mich didn't show up. My prom date, Neil, did and so did Drei's. Tytana was a master at ordering food. We had so much to eat. But my stomach ached afterward because of the way the food was cooked (grilled on your table). We also got Tytana to treat us at Fusion. haha

Dad's: Shei and Edward showed up. I love these two people. Claire showed up too. She has so much more energy than me and I am just amazed by her. She was just talking and talking but wasn't at all boring. It was a long drive because of the traffic but we were laughing all the way.

CPK: No one showed up. So sad. Food was great though. The gods fell from the sky. (You know what I'm talking about *winks*)

CIRCLES: I loved the food!!! The only thing is that Jerry just might remember me as the ever critical Care. *sniff*Sniff* I will miss Branders.

FOOD SIDETRIPS:
Sicilian Pizza with Gerry and the two
Dome with Eduardo and Joie and the two
Bacolod Chicken and McDonalds with Tytana and the two
Mini Stop with Tytana and Drei and Potchie

AND OF COURSE!!!! ORTIGAS PARK!!!!
Shei, Edward, Liza, Charlene, Betts, Mark, Gio, Tytana, Drei, Dave, Care
So many things discussed. So many laughs.

POLO CLUB!!!!
Swimming. Running to the Badminton court. Bowling. The food. The LOSERS. and THE POWERFUL CARD.

My Phone incident.
Was so scared that I lost my phone. turned out I just dropped it on the driveway. Kristie Ong of ICT recruitement, may you be blessed with so many great things.

Getting the paycheck!!! Hi ABi! hehe

PEOPLE PEOPLE: Sappy part
Dave - crazy vector field. Interesting personality. Really smart. Got to talk to this guy. Complicated. Opinionated. But really fun and witty. Hoy! send me the pics.

Drei - very nice and malandi. haha. Thanks for the car rides. Purple lover. Again, malandi. haha. always supportive. Always has something nice to say. You'd think he's shy but he has a lot of funny things to say. Oh yeah! creative director namin nga pala.

Tytana - tampo na ako sayo!!!! haha. of course not. can't be sappy. Baka sabihin mo weird. Really appreciate everything. Kakaibang tao ka especially when it comes to saving money.

Joie - haha... see you in Davao. may business deals pa tayo ha.

carl - the most serious of the MTs.

Kate - haha.. I'm going to miss the way she handles her phone calls. Parang sobrang fun ng mga phone calls niya lagi.

Gerry - our beloved troop leader. Got so much advice regarding career and just what to do about everything in Branders.

So many other people... Merch Girls, Abigail, Mich, the people I interviewed, the managers, Alberto...

See my branders pics... http://care033097.multiply.com

Thank you everyone. I loved my time in Branders. I hope I would be able to visit. Syempre kita kita pa rin tayo. EK! or kahit saan game ako lagi. :D

positions

2006-05-15T17:57:00.000+08:00

just learned about my new job in AIESEC. I'm not really happy about it. I wanted something else but I guess they don't feel that I'm right for the job. It's just sad... :(

gotta bounce back eventually though...

Am I that old???

2006-05-06T08:54:00.000+08:00

Somebody called me ma'am again. I think there's really something about the way I look that makes me look old. Or maybe something about me that makes me look like a bitch. OR (and this is my favorite) I just have an aura of authority. haha..

It was really weird when that girl called me ma'am and apologized profusely. I felt that I had to convince her that I'm still young. (FYI, I'm only 20 and a 3 weeks old.) Pero nakakatamad din... Reminded me of APXLDS and Gladys being shocked that I'm only 19. She kept on saying that I'm 23 (older than her) or at the very least 21. Haha.. Truth is I'm enjoying the feeling of youth...

Most of the time I'm really just ancient.

Philippines in the flat world

2006-05-03T12:30:00.000+08:00

I’ve been reading the book “the World Is Flat” By Thomas Friedman. It has an interesting take on everything that’s been happening. What I really like about it is the fact that it’s really up-to-date. The copy I have with me is the 2006 edition. This book is talking about technology that is not yet even available in the Philippines. It contends that the rise of technology, the fall of the BErlin wall, and several other things has led to globalization 3.0 wherein India, China, Eastern Europe, and Latin America are the emerging powers. I've only read until the 3rd chapter and so far India and China have been the only countries that were heavily discussed. He talked about this new term that really caught my attention - zippies. Zippies, as opposed to yuppies, are from Generation Z, eager to improve themselves and enjoy the good life. Most of these zippies were supposedly from the countries/territories I mentioned earlier. If India was becoming the Silicon valley of Asia, if China was attracting so many investors, if our Asian neighbors are constantly improving (this info I got from friends), what about the Philippines?

Fact is, we aren't all that technologically advanced. Our leadership in this country doesn't seem geared to real and long term growth. Everyone wants to leave and be a nurse in the US or Europe. How are we ever going to take advantage of this flattening world if we can't really carve our niche since no growth is going in that direction?

I really think that the hope of this country is in tourism. We haven't really done well in the tech department and hell we haven't really been training people for that. We are able to get people in to the BPO industry but we don't really have the kind of volume and drive to make BPO our competitive advantage. Don't get me wrong... BPO is something that the Philippines should look into. A lot of changes have to be made especially in the mindset of people. A necessity isn't such a bad thing. (I thought of a lot of other things a while ago but I lost the thought. I'll update later.)

Anyway, in the end, through the process of elimination I realized that the industry for the Philippines to capitalize on is tourism. We are probably the one country that has the most to offer. Indonesia may be the biggest archipelago but i think the philippines has a lot more to offer. Of course a lot of changes have to be made in terms of marketing the philippines. Personally, I want bohol to be marketed as the top destination but i don't think that's really my choice. I can't really think about the really large steps that have to be undertaken because they just wouldn't be useful to me. SO here's what I want to do...

My mom is already starting a travel agency. WHat i can do is go to that travel agent seminar i've always wanted to go to. Hopefully i wouldn't just learn about how to run a travel agency, I'd get to network. If I can build a network, we can start a company or a group that would market the Philippines as a whole with different members of the group assigned to different islands. This way there is a more wholistic view of the Philippines and travelers are given more options. SInce i want to learn CHinese, I'm seriously thinking of going to CHina to study on Sept 2007. This would give me just enough time - a month - to take the tour guide seminar in Bohol. It isn't just a source of cash. It's about knowledge, knowledge is power. The more i know about bOhol the better I can market it. WHen i'm in China already, I can market the group to the chinese doing the same thing MR. Sultan - the biggest travel agent in Bohol - is doing. Imagine the possibilities if the person they are dealing with is speaking chinese and that person is me...

I also want to have the chance to go to India. it may be a generally poor country. But if thomas friedman is right and more and more indians have disposable incomes and wanting to have the good life then India is a goldmine for me.

So many things to think about.... so many things that can be done and will be done.. just one Care Uy...

I'm gonna sleep now... i have to get up in 3 hours. smudge!

shopping, a movie, and a creepy man

2006-04-25T08:45:00.000+08:00

after a really boring weekend, I decided to start a week of working with a bit of shopping and a movie. I wanted to watch Tristan & Isolde but no one was available to watch with me on the weekend. With or without companions, I decided to watch it. So I decided to leave the house early (early is 3 PM) and went to the mall. I realized once again that I'm not very good at shopping and of course proceeded to my ever-beloved bookstore, my haven in the mall. There was a sale and I had money so I ended up impulse buying and I bought...
Rewriting history by Dick Morris - hardbound 100php
Seabiscuit by Laura Hillenbrand - 50 php
All the pretty horses by Cormac McCarthy - 50 php
The World is Flat by Thomas Friedman 2006 edition - not on sale anymore so I won't tell you. ;)
What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson - this was THE impulse buy :D

After my shopping spree, I went up to the movie house to watch Tristan & Isolde. Just my luck. When I decided to watch a movie alone, I ended up picking that one seat that was so close to the light that it seemed like a spotlight was on it. You know those scenes on TV where there's this really dark room and everyone's focused on this one person sitting on a seat that had the spotlight on it. And you get the sense that there's something wrong with this person. I felt like that. But I decided, what the hell? I'm gonna watch this movie. When I finally thought that I was gonna enjoy a good movie, this guy walks over my stuff and approaches me and asked if somebody was sitting beside me. I couldn't lie so I said yes and icky man that he is, he sat beside me. Even if my arms were on the arm rest, he decided to invade my space and placed his arm on his half. I was like shit! this guy is scary. I focused on the movie coz there were two hot men to keep my attention. Thanks goodness! By the way, Henry Cavill (is this right?) is so much cuter than James Franco. HOTTT!!! That's two great reasons to watch Tristan & Isolde. They're good actors too and the movie overall was good. I couldn't complain about anything.

Anyway, back to the creepy guy (ugh...). When the movie ended I wanted to stay a little longer because I wanted to find out who was that cute guy that played Melo (Henry Cavill). But I decided to get out of the theater coz the creepy dirty old man was trying to talk to me. I couldn't help it. I had to find out what the guy's name is. He ended up getting to the exit ahead of me... guess what. He waited for me to leave so it seemed like we were leaving together. He was trying to be nice and shit asking me if I lived in the area and questions like that but no way was I going to entertain a creepy old man when I was going to have a shopping day. So I left and went to the rest room. creepy man successfully ditched!

I hate creepy men!

I spent the rest of the night shopping and then I went to work... I'm almost done with my first project. Whee! Oh yeah. Almost had or really had another office bo0 boo but this entry is already pretty long... I want to read my books already

sleep in summer

2006-04-23T10:59:00.000+08:00

I just had another 12 hour sleeping session. I should stop doing this.. it's getting really bad for me. I wake up every hour with a head ache and then go back to sleep to continue dreaming. Morpheus, you and I need to have a good talk someday. I love being in your world but I have to be able to rest too. Can't you give me a break once in a while? My mind's already really active when I'm awake. It doesn't have to be the same when I'm asleep. I enjoy the vividness of my story in your world but I need a break. (If you don't understand me, read Neil Gaiman's Sandman. It's worth your time.)

Working at night is really more difficult than I expected. All that I do now is work and sleep but I have to do more things. This summer can't be all about work. Where's the fun in that?

Some summer dreams:
1. Learn to cook at least 2 new recipes
2. Finally lose some weight. (when is this gonna happen?)
3. Figure out where I'm gonna go in AIESEC (LCVP or NST?)
4. Go out of town at least twice. I'm already going out of town for work once so that's why it has to be two.
5. What else? Summer fling ;) hehe.. dream on...

splat-ness

2006-04-22T09:15:00.000+08:00

This is the start of my splat splatacious splatness. Ayoko na... Splat! Word for the year.. haha... incomplete thoughts. don't care. i get it. splat agaib. how many times will i repeat this. oh! haven't had rice in a while. new thought zooming in... splat soon to arrive... ate stella shouted. bad toks (is this right?) Screw it. teenage angst. ugh. splat. over it. care angst? yup yup. love it. disturbed? me? yes. here we go again. I'm writing this for me so whatever na. Ayoko na talaga. Nothing is ever gonna happen if continue this way. wahahaha. i miss my friends. haven't been doing anything but work. wanna have fun again.

don't want to be serious anymore. except too much of myself. don't do enough to reach expectations. I will learn.

Splat in case you haven't guessed yet is a condition wherein you can't just explain it but it feels like your brain fell from the sky and all you have left in your brain is oozing sludge. so you can't really think straight. all you can say is.... SPLAT.