Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Great Ending

Well... Uni hasn't really ended yet but I only have one exam to go. I had my last ever report of my life as an ADMU undergrad. I thought it didn't go so well 'coz sir venida gave some comments. It was so frustrating because I already foresaw those problems but I just didn't include them. Then we learned that we got an A. Whee! Galing noh!

I had a really good massage at fitness first care of mervin. The masseuse popped so many air bubbles that my back was quite sore after. Many air bubbles = tons of stress. Air bubbles popped and with a starbucks coffee cup in hand, i went to ADMU to give that report... And now... I have just one exam to go. Then I'm free. :)

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Earthfart count = 2

rained again. earth farted again. weather is really weird. it's not yet supposed to be raining. summer has yet to come but it was raining really bad.

had my last meal at manang's as a student of ateneo today. it should all feel so memorable and whatever.... or at least I think.But it doesn't. the stress is overtaking. the nostalgia will come later.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

earth fart season coming soon

Earth Fart - it's my own term for that stench when there's a light drizzle in the middle of a really hot day. This normally happens when it drizzles while the sun is still up. Either of two things happen after, 1.) it stops raining and the stink remains or 2.) the rain becomes really really strong. There's a belief that earth farts are connected to stomach pains. (Weird. I know.)

According to a friend of mine, summer is going to start two weeks earlier this year. I'm too lazy to actually look this up right now. It must be true since it's really hot right now and it's only February! This is the kind of weather we get around mid-March. I haven't smelled earth fart in a while but I did on my way home today. I guess I have to prepare myself for really hot days and sudden bursts of rain in between. And stomach pains too... hehe.

Can't wait to get back home to Bohol where I can lounge in the beach or at the farm...

Sunday, February 18, 2007

10 days to go...

yep... only a few more days to go and i no longer need to wrestle with any of my undergraduate classes. It's supposed to be a stressful time for everyone and it truly is. But I really feel no desire to study... instead, i procrastinate.

10 days... shet! what am i going to do with my life after????

Thursday, February 15, 2007

always amazed

I've been bloghopping again. That's been my ostrich move of choice lately. What's an ostrich move? It's a stupid idea I got from a friend. Ostriches, in times of danger or whenever they panic, bury their heads in the ground. Stupid birds yes but they do make a beautiful metaphor for procrastination.

anywho.. back to what i was saying. I've been reading the blogs of AIESECers and seeing how they think and what their experiences have been like. One thing I noticed is that so many of them are so immersed in their AIESEC life and they feel they are actually making a difference. Sadly, I don't think that the same is true for me at all. Being in the MC should make me feel like I'm touching people's lives or doing something significant. I did when I was among the facilitators of NLDS... well, maybe I did. But now, I really just can't think of anything good that I am contributing. AIESEC, at this point, has become a thorn that I just want to remove but can't or won't. Supposedly, there are a lot of opportunities out there offered in AIESECland. But, c'mon! I have to get real. Economics is an issue.

But I'm still glad whenever I read these blogs because I feel a push to go beyond my limits. I've always been one to move away from my comfort zone. I'm very good at establishing comfort zones and really enjoying my time. But after a while, I get bored and I constantly need a change of pace, a challenge. Reading blogs allows me to see the possibilities.. the new perspectives... the challenges I have not yet experienced.

AIESECers will always amaze me. I've never felt that it was an international org until APX 2006. I want to go to india but i can't afford it. Oh well... If i decided to stay in the MC for another year, I just might end up going to another conference. Whee! let's hope for that.

****

Happy V-day! More like Singles Awareness since a lot of people are online on Yahoo!Messenger. As for me, Mogu is my Valentine. Mogu's this Japanese stuff toy I got from a friend. He's soft, cuddly, and is somehow able to hug me back with his long arms. Spent V-day in such a pathetic manner... Went to BPI to take an exam for employment - that was 4 hours long. I passed and I got an interview. (yey!) then I went home and watched sappy movies while doing my homework. I watched the Notebook, 50 First Dates, and 40 Year Old Virgin. What a sap! The Notebook made me cry again. It's a beautiful love story. My favorite scene is Allie is just about to leave Noah again and he tries to convince her to stay. Aww... nice explanation on love...


Saturday, February 10, 2007

Substandard

did i really give substandard work? I know I didn't exactly give my best considering I only made my paper in 30 minutes. But for them to say that i copy pasted... that they weren't satisfied... well.. that made me feel like shit. why? because I don't think what I gave was shit. they told me summarize. So I did. then it's off? kala ko ba mamaya na yung analysis? shet! this isn't anything about them.... this is me. Shit! this shouldn't have happened. This should never happen. I mean.. my groupmates have given me work that was unsatisfactory before.. but I usually expected it when it happens. But this time, I didn't expect it. Maybe this is why i feel shitty? Gotta let go. now.

arg! MEDIOCRITY is not something i am comfortable with. Then again, seems like, MEDIOCRITY is a reality I'm stuck in. Fuck!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Backward Then Forward

This is definitely a long overdue look back at the past year, 2006. I’ve been thinking of doing this for quite some time now but I’ve never really given myself the chance to sit down and really reflect on what the year has meant to me. So now, because my insomnia is kicking in again (3:30 AM right now and I have been sleeping at around this hour for the past few days), I’ve decided on buckling down and let my thoughts flow.

There were several different approaches to writing that I thought of. Should I be doing this chronologically? Or should I be focusing on the key events? I realize that there are actually a couple of key themes for 2006 and these are what I want to focus on. To me, looking back at the past is pointless unless you learn from it to change the future. Looking forward to 2007 is thus a key exercise as well.

Relationships/People

2006 was a year of relating to people. I lost a couple of friends – or maybe they were quasi-friends. That was a tough time and to this day I think about those people. However, I really have no desire to keep in touch. Too much has been done and some bridges have been burned. I guess leaving some people behind is a part of growth.

I’ve also cemented a lot of my friendships most especially with the Bitching Hour group, and with Mervin and Drew. My bond with Cesca, Vincent, and Rissa has been made stronger by the projects we did (marketing and superproject), all the nights we slept in each other’s houses (for a time, I averaged 4 overnights a week at either Rissa’s or Cesca’s), and especially the times we’ve bitched. Romel and BC are of course special members of the Bitching Hour group as well. Romel, we went through a lot in 2006. We had our period of silence and I’m glad that we’re back to being Bitching mates. Mervin will always be a key person in my life. What 2006 really brought were more closeness, Payatas, Uwemedimo, overnights at his house – more opportunities to get to know each other better. As for Drew, so much time was spent together doing MC work or just getting stuck in traffic trying to do MC work.

I’ve also made a lot of new friends. Let’s start locally. My growing involvement in AIESEC has really given me the chance to interact with more people and I feel so blessed. There’s the entire MC team (Tabbee, Amy, James, Maya, Drew, Oryx, and Lesley). Truth be told, (except for Drew) I didn’t really interact with these people before my term as MCVP-F. Today, I feel that I’ve really gotten the chance to get to know them, especially in those trying times when we had to make changes in the direction of AIESEC Philippines (Planning, Agenda Setting, Facilitating the Conferences, Weekly meetings). The APXLDS team is another group that will always have a specific place in my heart, special mention to Gladys. Gladys, I’ve gotten to learn so much from you. You have a gift with people and I’m thankful for having experienced that gift. The entire AIESEC Philippines from the LCPs, the LCVPs (especially my Finance team), and the new members (special shout-outs to those who went to NLDS) also have to be mentioned. Outside of AIESEC, I would have to go back to the people from Branders. I’ve written several long entries about that experience so I won’t go back into the details. Tyts, David, Drei, I shall always remember the 5 weeks we spent together and I hope we will be keeping in touch.

This year has also been an exposure trip for me. It started out with APXLDS. Woodsy, who spent 5 extra days in Bohol, would always be remembered for opening my eyes to his ideas (The two kinds of people: the whys and the why-nots). The facilitators of the conference were a challenge but I did learn so much from them. Yat Wan is probably one of the nicest, sweetest people I’ve met in AIESEC. Shantanu is such an amazing thinker. Rishabh, Pruthvi, Gary, Susan – the nicest facis and I will always remember you. Jing Wei, Hui Lin, Lanchani, Halmen, Tilly, and Ren Bin– they were amazing as well. And of course, the delegates, especially the Aussies, the Bangladeshis, the UAE people, and the Japanese, really just opened my eyes to the diversity in this world.

And then there’s Gourami. The Filipino gang – Iara, Carms, Jo and our coach, Sydney. My best buddies at EP Central, Weilin and Victoria. The entire EP Central team, Amie, Chee Hou, Abhi, Michelle, Kevin, David, and Fiona, and of course, our coaches, Zharin and Chen Qi. My drop bear mate, Tony. My roomie, Sarah. And all the other people I met there – Roger, Wee Meng, the Shanghai girls, Sabrina, Yish, Ellen, Patrick, Alex and so many others. The coaches, the coordinators, even the stakeholders. All these people have added color to my life. I hope to keep in touch and maybe build longer lasting friendships with these people. It is hard for me to put down in words the impact that has been made in my life. This experience is definitely one to be remembered til I am old and grey.

Pushing Boundaries/Pushing Myself

I’ve faced a lot of challenges and new experiences in 2006. The people I met definitely made a mark. But I too made many interpersonal changes. With my academics, I’ve realized my potential. I know now that I will be able to do work my ass off for countless hours to achieve great results. Super project was definitely a challenge but my group and I were up to the task. SuperTyphoon Milenyo added to the spice of the super project. Gourami was also very challenging. At the start, I was so lost that I was scared of ending up useless. At the end of 3 days, we, EP Central, became the champions for gas. We produced it, transported it, and then we sold it (uhm.. planned on doing these thing at least).

AIESEC. AIESEC. AIESEC. Challenges abound and I keep on coming back. I visited the hospital twice this year because of AIESEC. I think before 2006, the last time I went to the ER was when I was 7 or 6 due to high fever (was only given medicine and told to go). APXLDS was the first push. Seven or so days of running around Bohol Tropics, sleeping at 2 or 3 AM and then waking up at 7 AM, meeting all the demands and requests of the facilitators and the delegates. Then finally, that dark day when I just couldn’t give anymore of myself, I fainted. As is typical of me, what was supposed to be a really dramatic situation became a bit of comedy. I knew I was getting weak from the fatigue, the emotional stress, and the lack of nourishment and for some reason, I also knew that I was going to faint. So I ended up telling Glads to call people because I really needed to go to the hospital already. Doesn’t seem funny on writing but ask glads to recount it and she’ll always end up laughing. The second visit was actually due to another Careism. I kind of did a stunt and jumped over this barrier but because the floor was slippery, I fell and literally banged on the floor. Twas my first time to get a back xray so that was actually kind of cool.

In relation to this theme, the most impactful part of 2006 was my decision to join the MC. I didn’t want to at first. Before APXLDS, I told myself that I was just going to do APX to have some sort of international experience and then finish my time in my LC as VP for Outgoing Exchange. Restructuring and APX pushed me to join the MC. Incoming and Outgoing exchange were combined into one department and the VP of Exchange was the VP for ICX. No offense to Loren, but I refused to be a director when I had already worked my ass of in OGX for 2 years. APX also allowed me to see the richness of the AIESEC Culture and I realized that I didn’t really allow myself to be immersed in AIESEC. As a member of the MC, I’ve done the finances and the administrative work. I’ve worked closely with my LCVPs. I’ve facilitated conferences. I’ve talked closely to alumni. Taking charge of the national operations has been an experienced that really allowed me to know what I am capable of.

Looking Forward

Since I’m graduating in March, it is without a doubt that 2007 will be a year of great changes for me. I’ve really been thinking about what the future holds for me. At the start of 2006, I was thinking of studying Mandarin in Shanghai, Beijing or Ghuangzhou. At some point, I also thought of spending a few months in the US to have time for myself. I also thought of going for MCP. I won’t lie. The idea crossed my mind several times but I don’t think that’s the path for me. I also thought of going on a traineeship or going out as a CEEDer. I even wanted to try for being a facilitator for APXLDS in India. I’ve also been thinking about the different industries that I could go into. Shell was among the first options but that didn’t pan out. I thought of politics, UN, ADB, WorldBank. These are organizations that I won’t be joining in the near future but will always have in mind. I’m trying to decide between banking and consultancy.

I can not discount the things that have happened in 2006. My eyes were opened and I don’t want to limit myself anymore. I would still like to work somewhere that I can make a high impact or somewhere that could eventually need to those multilateral organizations. I can not just leave AIESEC and head for the future. One factor is that I still feel a sense of responsibility for the APX debt. And I cannot just close my eyes to the thoughts and ideas of other AIESECers all over the world – ideas were shared through the blogs they wrote. I can not be satisfied with the ordinary path. Or can the ordinary path lead to extraordinary things? We shall have to see what 2007 holds.