Affected

Yesterday, I was buying shawarma in Philcoa when a kid approached me selling sampaguita. As always, I said no. It wasn't because I thought that the kid was being exploited by criminals although I do. It wasn't because I felt that there are better ways to help the kid because I do. Honestly, it was because I didn't want to. I'm admittedly a selfish person and at that time all I wanted to do was eat my shawarma. The kid was just a pest, like a fly that one swats. Sad noh? I was a bit affected by the kid and had a short dialogue with my self while I was walking through the overpass. But that was just my rationalization. I knew, or at least I thought I knew, that I wouldn't think about it again.

Today, we had a discussion on theology about the call for serving the poor and the needy especially in the Philippines. I raised the question in my group that if we agree that we are to serve then how are we to serve now, today while we are still young.

I went back to Philcoa today (because I stupidly left my cellphone in my friend's car). On my way home, a kid tapped my thigh and asked if I wanted to buy sampaguitas. My initial reaction was to say no and go home. But for some reason I decided to walk back a few steps and go to Goldilocks and by mamon for the kid. It felt good to give something to that kid. It felt good that I can finally say -and not feel dishonest- that i believe that it is best to give food to beggars. In a sense, I finally allowed myself to walk my talk.

So does this mean that I finally got affected by theo? maybe... maybe... It may not be so bad.

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Do we get sappier as we age? I think I am...

Silence

I don't like having to be silent about this new issue. But i have to... this is totally new to me and I don't know if they will understand? Will i be happy with just being silent? i dunno...

Guilt, belief, love

One more entry on my life's current issue...

According to Ma'am Azada's reading of Marcel's article From Opinion to Faith, Marcel's understanding of belief comes from the image of a loving God, a God that not only loves but loves unconditionally. The question that we must answer then is how do we respond to this love. We love in return. This love, according to Marcel, is most felt when we are disappointed. We are disappointed because we already have a preconceived notion of how God is to answer. But even if we are disappointed, we continue to love and we continue to believe.

The issue for me is guilt. Love comes with responsibility. As Ma'am said, we willingly give up our will not because we are coerced to but because we want to. Now if you say that you truly believe and that you truly love then shouldn't you be willing to give up your will for God? As Harold Sala said in church last Sunday, our living God requires a living sacrifice. We are to continually give up ourselves for God. But this is in no way a requirement. In fact, if we are not willing to do so then don't. But what if we feel that we ought to and yet we are unwilling to do so? How much can you hold on to your desires and truly believe? I feel like the prodigal daughter... although right now, I'm still in the pigsty figuring out if I should go back. We shall see how things are going to go....

I love Philo 103!

One more night of veg-ing in front of the TV. Gotta do my theo papers later. Watching Veronica Mars muna...

What a waste?

My classes are so useless nowadays. It's supposed to be the year when I would learn all the shit that I'm going to use after college. I decided to overload just so that I could maximize my last year as an undergrad.

But then.... useless useless teachers. I want to drop one of my classes but I won't because I have to make the most of it. One of my teachers copies and pastes his outline from another book and even that he gets wrong. Wala pang kwentang makinig. Pumapasok lang ako kase bawal ubusin yung cuts.

Stress.... Here we go again... Care, turn on hyper mode