cutting class

I cut my LS 125 class again.. hay.. second meeting = second cut. Shit! gotta get my act together. Can't afford for this year to not go well.

Technology is not in my side right now

bad mood

i feel so gloomy. day started out good but i feel like shit. My colorquiz results seemed to be on the dot.. hay...

stress.. ate too much fast foods

Care took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to make up for what she feels she has missed..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Friday Night

It's a friday night and I'm at home. It's my last day of summer break pa naman. Haha... Mahirap ng magpaka-responsible. Ok lang... for now. Pacing myself. Wouldn't want to have liver problems in the future

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Bill Gates is stepping down. A news report from BBC said that some analysts have said that Microsoft is looking like IBM in the past. IBM was the leader in computer manufacturing. The only thing is that the money was in software which Microsoft dominated. Now, software is "free". Fast growing Google looks like its the most well adjusted for the new kind of market. Free software and viewing advertising at the same time.

Lesson learned: You can never be too careful. You can be leader for only a short period of time. Always prepare for the worst.

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Happy Birthday Ontoi!!! Debut mo na

issue of faith

I was supposed to post this yesterday but something was wrong with my connection to blogger. Today's a good day. But this is still food for thought.

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We all have our own issues in life. We all have our own little insecurities and our own ways of dealing with these things. What makes us really different as people are the different ways we deal with our issues. I don’t mean to trivialize anyone’s issues but let’s face it. We all go through more or less the same thing but in different magnitudes and forms. Some choose to succumb to temptations. Some choose to cling to faith. Some choose to forget and let life lead the course. We won’t always be happy with our choices. But as I always say, we just have to deal with it.

I’ve been through a whole lot of religious confusion. I don’t actually like calling it religious because it really isn’t about religion but more about my relationship issues with God – calling it religious just makes it easier to prepare the mind for what’s coming. I can’t say that I am perfectly happy with my decision to let life lead its course. At this point, I don’t know what I believe in. I just know that I can’t stop moving. Maybe you could say that these are my issues and my insecurities. But I think that it really is just a matter of recognizing my reality. Actually dealing with it and creating changes is really so much more dependent on choice. I have to wait for my self to feel like choosing this path. Yes. This might be the wrong way to go about things. But this is the way that I am most comfortable with. So bear with me. If you can’t then there’s just nothing you can do but go away.

In order to understand what I’ve been saying, you have to understand that I’ve been a Christian all my life. I was a Sunday school kid. I was in the Youth group. I joined Bible studies. I even became the president of the Christian organization in my high school. I’d like to believe that I had a genuine relationship with Christ. It may have been more about knowledge than about the actual relationship but it was there. I understood what Christianity was all about. I read the Bible from end to end in order to make sure that I knew exactly what I believed in. But I really don’t know… I guess as life gets more complicated, it gets more difficult to hold on to faith.

What drives you?

Have you ever asked yourself what drives you? What is it that makes you strive to be something more than mediocre? What makes you want to be great? Or not even great... what makes you want to achieve anything? And then when you answer that question, ask yourself if its really worth anything. Is achievement really useful? Except for that momentary satisfaction you will enjoy, what else is achievement good for? Why not just be in blissful mediocrity?

I always ask myself what is it really that makes me do all the crazy things I do. Why do I have to juggle all of these things when in the end they wouldn't really matter? If I really want to have a pragmatic approach, I wouldn't be doing all of these things. But I do them anyway. Why? Why? Why? and to what end? What do I get?

Don't get me wrong. I like all of the things that I'm doing. I do love having positions in AIESEC. I like having greater accountability and greater impact. But that doesn't stop me from asking these questions.

I've only been VP-F for a week and I have been constantly asking myself this question. My schedule has just become so very very full. I am constantly thinking of the next task. I am constantly think about all the other things I have to juggle. But at the same time, I am glad because as part of the MC I am able to witness how people work. The complexities of the human being have always been interesting to me.

But again I go back... what drives me? I don't know. I just run.

The tide changes

Life is funny. A person prepares for a big big change and then when that big change doesn't happen that person gets really disappointed. It doesn't really matter if that change was something welcomed in the first place. Once you've prepared your mind for something, it has to happen. But if it doesn't happen then you cope. DuH! as if you really have a choice.

This happened to me. When the year started , I didn't think of joining the MC. I used to say that I would never join AIESEC Philippines. All that I was going to be was a VP of AIESEC ateneo and then go on a traineeship and then my life in AIESEC is over. But of course... life is crazy and things happen. So I was asked to apply for NST. AKo naman si gaga... tanggap agad basta new challenge and new opportunity. I saw that the VP-F position was also open. SInce i was already applying, why not go all the way. right? so I did. And i even started preparing for VP-F thinking that they would definitely get me since no one else ran. I joined all the communities. I looked at the budgets. I was even close to opening my accounting book just to brush up on my accounting skills. And then! I learn that my application was rejected and instead they made me NST (National Support Team). So ok fine... well not really ok. I was disappointed of course But that's what they gave me and I accept. Why not? It's for AIESEC. I'm not in the MC just for my personal fulfillment because if that was the case, I really wouldn't apply anymore. And then the tide changes....

I just got a call today. Apparently, they're promoting me to the same position I was rejected for. Haha! Life is funny. I accept. I don't do things to spite people or to make them beg. It's for AIESEC so here we go... My life is only going to get crazier.

Multi-tasking

My head's aching. I think I've been doing too much multi-tasking. I'm even getting confused already. Gosh! i really have to slow down, learn to say no, and just plain freeze for a moment. But I can't. And it has to be ok with me. I can't because I like always having a lot to do. I can't because I love being around people (I live practically alone and it really gets tiring). I can't because my brain is hyper-active.

A lot of people say that we should enjoy our time as kids and being in school. But I don't know if people really understand that as kids we also want to be of high impact. It's not the love problems that we worry about. It's the issues that we face each and every day. (I may be referring to me and a few others but feel free to relate). The beauty of today's world that even as young people there's already so much we can do. So many opportunities are exposed to us and we also have the technology or capability to tweak things to our advantage. This is what frustrates me with a lot of people. Don't you understand? You have so much potential! It really isn't about what you can get. Because you can get so much learning by just putting yourself out there. YOu can get so much experience -experience that money can not buy - by doing more and more work. YEs. We get tired but as a young person, it's really too young for you to get burned out. Don't be lazy! Don't be complacent! Be pro-active. Just give until you can't give any more. Be wise and discerning of course. But I really don't think that we reach the point of not being able to give more. Life is so much more dynamic than that.

Remember! It is never enough. So multi-task if you must. :D