Patience is a difficult virtue
written: july 30 1 am
I've been so confused lately about the state of my life and where the hell everything is going. Should I go back to that previous life - being a devout Chrisitian? The time when you feel somewhat left out at almost all times and yet so smug because you think you know you're right. Or do I stay in this muck I'm in? Always confused, always unsure and always willing to try whatever.
I was hanging out in Starbucks with Mervin a while ago and I asked him a question that's been bugging me for a long time. If you think you know that Christianity is the right way to go and yet you don't feel that you have the heart to actually go into it, what do you do? How do you mend a disconnect between the mind and the heart? (And this just now) Is it possible that this disconnect is what faith is all about?
He was frustrating me for the longest time by constantly asking me why I think the way I'm thinking and what I think is the answer to my questions. He said that I know the answers I just want someone to say what I want to hear. I don't know if what he did worked. But I don't want to admit it either way because I know it will get to his head (yes mervin i know that you're going to rub this in my face)
Maybe God is just telling me to wait for his own perfect timing. Be patient. He has the answer and that's that. But what do I do in between? What a mess! I hate being patient...
