feeling moody

putang inang tukmanang at tukneneng...

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feeling crappy. moody. shitty. hellish.

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i like sleep but i can't sleep. Everyone else is sleeping already

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packshet!

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stop thinking. going nowhere. let go.

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2006 was a blast and I want to thank everyone who was a part of it.

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wonder what 2007 holds...

******

stop!

what are you passionate about?

Have you ever seriously asked yourself this question? And when you answered, did you think about what your answer really meant? If you could identify that thing you're passionate about, then are you doing something about it? If yes, then good but are you making people's live better because of it? If no, then why not if that's what you're really passionate about? If you don't have an answer to this question, then doesn't it feel so bad to have gone through life and still be unsure about what makes you alive?

What am I passionate about?

I have no easy answer to this question. I've actually had to stop and really think about my answer. But at this point, what I believe I'm most passionate about are new horizons. the future. Not just the future in general, but making changes to make the future better not just for myself. I hope to create changes to make things better for the Filipino people. But I am scared because I don't think that I have the capacity to make any great changes. I am scared because there's a part of me that wants so bad to be selfish and just think about improving myself and making myself more interesting. But then I go back home and see all the poverty and the disarray and I feel for the Filipino. I feel for the poor Juan who just wants to be a domestic helper so that his family could eat. I feel for the poor Juana who works so hard and yet realizes that all her hardearned money gets wasted by her ungrateful family. I feel for the poor Juan who wants so badly to do well in school but could never understand his lessons because the teacher doesn't have time to teach him. I feel for the Juans and Juanas and I can not see myself turning my back. I don't know what I'm going to do. At this point, these are all just words. But there is the future to look to - a future i hope to actively participate in.

Christmas Contemplation

It's tough coming from Manila and from Malaysia where you think that there's so much ahead of you. When you get back to the province, Bohol in my case, you realize that life and the future isn't really all that bright. It's a very somber christmas. My aunts commented that you can hardly hear the joy in people's voices when they sing. When I tried to really listen to the voices, i realized they were right. Christmas isn't as happy, fun, and exciting anymore. Today was really more about rushing from one house to another trying so hard to get as much money out of the holiday as you could. Sad to be in a very poor country....

(blank)

goodbye friend. We knew each other once. We used to laugh and do stupid things together. Our relationship was never that deep. But you made a mark in my life. It's tough to think that I've grown so far apart from Pisay people. I may not be one of those people who are so well known in the batch but I still do feel a deep sense of camaraderie. We went through our most defining years together. We discovered life together. But now... We're no longer complete. Bye Jorge. You'll be missed.

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Still not comprehending fully. This is grief, I guess. So sudden. So unexpected. So surreal until it will sink in. If it sinks in...

Good bye cable

My cable finally got cut today. I've been waiting for it to happen for almost two months now since dad told me that he doesn't want to pay for cable anymore. I've been trying to enjoy my cable more and I've learned to really appreciate it. So now.... I am definitely going to miss all those shows that I love to watch. I declare... I AM A COUCH POTATO! Watching TV is one of my favorite pasttimes. Probably my most favorite since it's what I do most often. So I've decided to list down the things that I love about TV...

1. Cheap entertainment
- you can watch it for hours and hours and it will never stop going. And all you have to pay is a small monthly fee
2. VAriety
- I can not stand watching just one thing unless its in a moviehouse. I love that I can flip through channels while the commercials are playing in the other channels.
3. Multi-tasking
- I always watch the TV while I'm doing something else. I'm usually doing homework or studying or AIESEC work or anything like that.
4. CNN/BBC/ANC
- I am a fan of news channels. They're easy and quick access to the most current news. You won't get everything of course but at least you have some idea of what's going on. All you have to do is change the channel.
5. Entourage
- I've just started watching this show and I'm sad that I'm no longer going to watch it. And to think, Vince is already going to be AquaMan.
6. ETC
- My favorite channel with veronica mars, one tree hill, the OC, beauty and the geek
7. StarWorld
- Kevin Hill
8. AXN
-CSI NY, CSI Las Vegas, Numbers
9. HBO and Star Movies
- My movie channels
10. Disney
- When i feel like a kid... no more sing-along high school musical for me
11. Brain-relaxing entertainment
- it is an idiot box. I like being an idiot every once in a while. Well at least its enough to distract part of my brain.

Cable... you will be missed. :(

Preparedness

Delaying once again...
I'm supposed to be working on POM and theo this weekend but I haven't done anything yet. And I'm blogging.. Good job care!

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I'm graduating next year. Finally I'm leaving the world of academia. Not for good because I still have a lot of plans for further studies - too many plans actually. Then what? Do I start working? Corporate? Be an AIESEC trainee? Continue with my AIESEC Career? At times I feel so prepared that my bloated ego would think that I could go out and conquer the world already. Now, I just feel so unprepared. I don't want to disappoint myself. Say what you want but I know I'm destined for great things. But what if I am not yet prepared? Preparedness does not necessarily mean academic preparedness. What about my work ethic? My own sanity? My emotional blah?

Is it so wrong to be so scared of having more responsibilities? Is this the wrong reaction? What's the right reaction?

(care speaking to care1 [yes, I would like to think I have multiple personalities]) there's nothing wrong with being scared. (care1 replying to care) I know but.. I just want it to stop and I feel guilty {stop! I'm freaking myself out}

Affected

Yesterday, I was buying shawarma in Philcoa when a kid approached me selling sampaguita. As always, I said no. It wasn't because I thought that the kid was being exploited by criminals although I do. It wasn't because I felt that there are better ways to help the kid because I do. Honestly, it was because I didn't want to. I'm admittedly a selfish person and at that time all I wanted to do was eat my shawarma. The kid was just a pest, like a fly that one swats. Sad noh? I was a bit affected by the kid and had a short dialogue with my self while I was walking through the overpass. But that was just my rationalization. I knew, or at least I thought I knew, that I wouldn't think about it again.

Today, we had a discussion on theology about the call for serving the poor and the needy especially in the Philippines. I raised the question in my group that if we agree that we are to serve then how are we to serve now, today while we are still young.

I went back to Philcoa today (because I stupidly left my cellphone in my friend's car). On my way home, a kid tapped my thigh and asked if I wanted to buy sampaguitas. My initial reaction was to say no and go home. But for some reason I decided to walk back a few steps and go to Goldilocks and by mamon for the kid. It felt good to give something to that kid. It felt good that I can finally say -and not feel dishonest- that i believe that it is best to give food to beggars. In a sense, I finally allowed myself to walk my talk.

So does this mean that I finally got affected by theo? maybe... maybe... It may not be so bad.

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Do we get sappier as we age? I think I am...

Silence

I don't like having to be silent about this new issue. But i have to... this is totally new to me and I don't know if they will understand? Will i be happy with just being silent? i dunno...

Guilt, belief, love

One more entry on my life's current issue...

According to Ma'am Azada's reading of Marcel's article From Opinion to Faith, Marcel's understanding of belief comes from the image of a loving God, a God that not only loves but loves unconditionally. The question that we must answer then is how do we respond to this love. We love in return. This love, according to Marcel, is most felt when we are disappointed. We are disappointed because we already have a preconceived notion of how God is to answer. But even if we are disappointed, we continue to love and we continue to believe.

The issue for me is guilt. Love comes with responsibility. As Ma'am said, we willingly give up our will not because we are coerced to but because we want to. Now if you say that you truly believe and that you truly love then shouldn't you be willing to give up your will for God? As Harold Sala said in church last Sunday, our living God requires a living sacrifice. We are to continually give up ourselves for God. But this is in no way a requirement. In fact, if we are not willing to do so then don't. But what if we feel that we ought to and yet we are unwilling to do so? How much can you hold on to your desires and truly believe? I feel like the prodigal daughter... although right now, I'm still in the pigsty figuring out if I should go back. We shall see how things are going to go....

I love Philo 103!

One more night of veg-ing in front of the TV. Gotta do my theo papers later. Watching Veronica Mars muna...

What a waste?

My classes are so useless nowadays. It's supposed to be the year when I would learn all the shit that I'm going to use after college. I decided to overload just so that I could maximize my last year as an undergrad.

But then.... useless useless teachers. I want to drop one of my classes but I won't because I have to make the most of it. One of my teachers copies and pastes his outline from another book and even that he gets wrong. Wala pang kwentang makinig. Pumapasok lang ako kase bawal ubusin yung cuts.

Stress.... Here we go again... Care, turn on hyper mode

Patience is a difficult virtue

written: july 30 1 am

I've been so confused lately about the state of my life and where the hell everything is going. Should I go back to that previous life - being a devout Chrisitian? The time when you feel somewhat left out at almost all times and yet so smug because you think you know you're right. Or do I stay in this muck I'm in? Always confused, always unsure and always willing to try whatever.

I was hanging out in Starbucks with Mervin a while ago and I asked him a question that's been bugging me for a long time. If you think you know that Christianity is the right way to go and yet you don't feel that you have the heart to actually go into it, what do you do? How do you mend a disconnect between the mind and the heart? (And this just now) Is it possible that this disconnect is what faith is all about?

He was frustrating me for the longest time by constantly asking me why I think the way I'm thinking and what I think is the answer to my questions. He said that I know the answers I just want someone to say what I want to hear. I don't know if what he did worked. But I don't want to admit it either way because I know it will get to his head (yes mervin i know that you're going to rub this in my face)

Maybe God is just telling me to wait for his own perfect timing. Be patient. He has the answer and that's that. But what do I do in between? What a mess! I hate being patient...

delaying reality

I have a very bad habit of delaying reality when I have too many things to do. When I didn't have my DVDs of the OC and Desperate Housewives, I would play all sorts of games in between making reports. I have a test friday night. I have a paper due on that day too and for that paper I have to read a really long article for theo. I have homework and other shit but I choose to blog right now. I'm going to finish desperate housewives later pa.

I'm not sure if this is really just my nature (because I am a crammer at heart). But i'm getting scared that the things I do won't be able to measure up to the expectations my team has of me. Hay....

I'm getting tired but I'm still loving everything I'm doing. I'm just really really scared...

cutting class

I cut my LS 125 class again.. hay.. second meeting = second cut. Shit! gotta get my act together. Can't afford for this year to not go well.

Technology is not in my side right now

bad mood

i feel so gloomy. day started out good but i feel like shit. My colorquiz results seemed to be on the dot.. hay...

stress.. ate too much fast foods

Care took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to make up for what she feels she has missed..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Friday Night

It's a friday night and I'm at home. It's my last day of summer break pa naman. Haha... Mahirap ng magpaka-responsible. Ok lang... for now. Pacing myself. Wouldn't want to have liver problems in the future

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Bill Gates is stepping down. A news report from BBC said that some analysts have said that Microsoft is looking like IBM in the past. IBM was the leader in computer manufacturing. The only thing is that the money was in software which Microsoft dominated. Now, software is "free". Fast growing Google looks like its the most well adjusted for the new kind of market. Free software and viewing advertising at the same time.

Lesson learned: You can never be too careful. You can be leader for only a short period of time. Always prepare for the worst.

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Happy Birthday Ontoi!!! Debut mo na

issue of faith

I was supposed to post this yesterday but something was wrong with my connection to blogger. Today's a good day. But this is still food for thought.

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We all have our own issues in life. We all have our own little insecurities and our own ways of dealing with these things. What makes us really different as people are the different ways we deal with our issues. I don’t mean to trivialize anyone’s issues but let’s face it. We all go through more or less the same thing but in different magnitudes and forms. Some choose to succumb to temptations. Some choose to cling to faith. Some choose to forget and let life lead the course. We won’t always be happy with our choices. But as I always say, we just have to deal with it.

I’ve been through a whole lot of religious confusion. I don’t actually like calling it religious because it really isn’t about religion but more about my relationship issues with God – calling it religious just makes it easier to prepare the mind for what’s coming. I can’t say that I am perfectly happy with my decision to let life lead its course. At this point, I don’t know what I believe in. I just know that I can’t stop moving. Maybe you could say that these are my issues and my insecurities. But I think that it really is just a matter of recognizing my reality. Actually dealing with it and creating changes is really so much more dependent on choice. I have to wait for my self to feel like choosing this path. Yes. This might be the wrong way to go about things. But this is the way that I am most comfortable with. So bear with me. If you can’t then there’s just nothing you can do but go away.

In order to understand what I’ve been saying, you have to understand that I’ve been a Christian all my life. I was a Sunday school kid. I was in the Youth group. I joined Bible studies. I even became the president of the Christian organization in my high school. I’d like to believe that I had a genuine relationship with Christ. It may have been more about knowledge than about the actual relationship but it was there. I understood what Christianity was all about. I read the Bible from end to end in order to make sure that I knew exactly what I believed in. But I really don’t know… I guess as life gets more complicated, it gets more difficult to hold on to faith.

What drives you?

Have you ever asked yourself what drives you? What is it that makes you strive to be something more than mediocre? What makes you want to be great? Or not even great... what makes you want to achieve anything? And then when you answer that question, ask yourself if its really worth anything. Is achievement really useful? Except for that momentary satisfaction you will enjoy, what else is achievement good for? Why not just be in blissful mediocrity?

I always ask myself what is it really that makes me do all the crazy things I do. Why do I have to juggle all of these things when in the end they wouldn't really matter? If I really want to have a pragmatic approach, I wouldn't be doing all of these things. But I do them anyway. Why? Why? Why? and to what end? What do I get?

Don't get me wrong. I like all of the things that I'm doing. I do love having positions in AIESEC. I like having greater accountability and greater impact. But that doesn't stop me from asking these questions.

I've only been VP-F for a week and I have been constantly asking myself this question. My schedule has just become so very very full. I am constantly thinking of the next task. I am constantly think about all the other things I have to juggle. But at the same time, I am glad because as part of the MC I am able to witness how people work. The complexities of the human being have always been interesting to me.

But again I go back... what drives me? I don't know. I just run.

The tide changes

Life is funny. A person prepares for a big big change and then when that big change doesn't happen that person gets really disappointed. It doesn't really matter if that change was something welcomed in the first place. Once you've prepared your mind for something, it has to happen. But if it doesn't happen then you cope. DuH! as if you really have a choice.

This happened to me. When the year started , I didn't think of joining the MC. I used to say that I would never join AIESEC Philippines. All that I was going to be was a VP of AIESEC ateneo and then go on a traineeship and then my life in AIESEC is over. But of course... life is crazy and things happen. So I was asked to apply for NST. AKo naman si gaga... tanggap agad basta new challenge and new opportunity. I saw that the VP-F position was also open. SInce i was already applying, why not go all the way. right? so I did. And i even started preparing for VP-F thinking that they would definitely get me since no one else ran. I joined all the communities. I looked at the budgets. I was even close to opening my accounting book just to brush up on my accounting skills. And then! I learn that my application was rejected and instead they made me NST (National Support Team). So ok fine... well not really ok. I was disappointed of course But that's what they gave me and I accept. Why not? It's for AIESEC. I'm not in the MC just for my personal fulfillment because if that was the case, I really wouldn't apply anymore. And then the tide changes....

I just got a call today. Apparently, they're promoting me to the same position I was rejected for. Haha! Life is funny. I accept. I don't do things to spite people or to make them beg. It's for AIESEC so here we go... My life is only going to get crazier.

Multi-tasking

My head's aching. I think I've been doing too much multi-tasking. I'm even getting confused already. Gosh! i really have to slow down, learn to say no, and just plain freeze for a moment. But I can't. And it has to be ok with me. I can't because I like always having a lot to do. I can't because I love being around people (I live practically alone and it really gets tiring). I can't because my brain is hyper-active.

A lot of people say that we should enjoy our time as kids and being in school. But I don't know if people really understand that as kids we also want to be of high impact. It's not the love problems that we worry about. It's the issues that we face each and every day. (I may be referring to me and a few others but feel free to relate). The beauty of today's world that even as young people there's already so much we can do. So many opportunities are exposed to us and we also have the technology or capability to tweak things to our advantage. This is what frustrates me with a lot of people. Don't you understand? You have so much potential! It really isn't about what you can get. Because you can get so much learning by just putting yourself out there. YOu can get so much experience -experience that money can not buy - by doing more and more work. YEs. We get tired but as a young person, it's really too young for you to get burned out. Don't be lazy! Don't be complacent! Be pro-active. Just give until you can't give any more. Be wise and discerning of course. But I really don't think that we reach the point of not being able to give more. Life is so much more dynamic than that.

Remember! It is never enough. So multi-task if you must. :D

Intrapreneurship

I got this off an AIESEC forum on AIESEC & Entrepreneurship.

For example, if you google intrapreneurship the second definition you'll come upon is "Intrapreneurship -- entrepreneurship within a large organization." The first one being "Intrapreneurship is Entrepreneurship practiced by people within established organisations."

We're being intrapreneurs if we develop some type of new thinking or doing something new in a organization that already exists. That happens every day in AIESEC, giving people chance to improve themselves. I don't think that's even a question, but the way we improve ourselves is by developing CREATIVITY (which is the KEY to entrepreneurship), I think @ helps us sooo much in that. From thinking how we're gonna recruit new members to thinking of a good answer in a middle of a meeting for a sponsorship. And the organization grows, because we SHARE those ideas between us.

devcon

devcon is finally over and NST Care ended it with a hangover and another visit to the emergency room. Some thoughts lang...

I love the national eXchange team aka AIESEC girlfriends *snap*snap*snap*snap*

I'm so glad that James is the VP-X. She's gonna do a really good job and she's been very good with the team so far.

AIESEC ADMU is the best LC for me. Will always be a part of it kahit MC na ako.

OC APXLDS, we are going to pull through this. God give us miracles. But at least, we will always be the kidnap bears united in our captivity. heehee

Gladys, ang kagalang galang na upuan ng aming conference ay isa sa mga pinaka-mahal na alumni ng lahat ng tao. sana'y hindi ka maging PAI by age 35... pero mukhang papunta ka na dyan. haha

1 Conference:1 emergency room is my current ratio. So next conference, I'd hafta check kung saan ang pinakamalapit na desenteng hospital.

I love AIESEC parties, dances, songs, videos. More than anything I've realized that AIESEC is really a big part of my life and this is an organization that I really love.

things and islands

There are so many things you want to say. There are so many things you think you understand. But you just don't want to say them. I guess it's just easier to deal with yourself than have to deal with what other people think. It's safer to say nothing but how long can you keep silent? How long can you bear knowing that no one else really understands just because you haven't told them? And then on the flip side, when you do tell them, they just don't understand and you end up regretting ever telling them? Where's the balance? This is why life is complicated.

I strongly believe that all people are islands. I think that no man is an island saying is such a limited analogy. No matter what we do, we are always alone. No one else can walk this earth for us. No one can ever really understand you and i mean really really understand you. Rather than being sad, rather than feeling bad for yourself, you have to face it. You have no choice. The moment we landed on this earth this is our plight. And all you can do is try to reach out. The good thing is that we are also archipelagoes. Life is really just a matter of building bridges, of opening yourself up to other people, of being vulnerable. But even if you've already made yourself vulnerable, even if you allow so many people to see you for who you really are, they would never really inderstand. No matter what you do, YOU ARE ALONE.

On the lighter side of things, I walked around Makati today and visited Mervin and Rissa. I was going to visit Ren too but she was too busy. I also went shopping. yey! BOught two pairs of jeans and!!! I was in a classics mood at powerbooks. I bought Alice's Adventure in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll, Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie, and Metamorphosis by Franz Kakfa. It's kinda late to be reading these books but it's important to appreciate the classics. You need to have deep roots in literature to really appreciate today's trash and the soon to be classics too.

L:imbo

I'm in a sort of state of limbo right now. I guess it's really this way after you end a great experience. I felt this way after APXLDS (although there are smething about it that just won't go away) And here I am now, one weekend after my five week stint at Branders.com...

I don't think I was really able to think about what to expect. After all, my word to describe my Branders experience before April 17 was surreal. I just couldn't believe how everything worked out after all the stress I went through. So many things happened before getting the internship. I fainted... uh... hyper-ventilated for the first time in my life. I was worried about AIESEC but was also worried about still not having a job. I went back to Manila to be interviewed by Citigroup. I went back to Bohol two days after just because my dad wanted me home. Branders called me the tuesday after I went home and I accepted the day after. AND!!!! I got to reject Citigroup. (woohoo! my pride is back) It was just a whirlwind and I was just really excited. I couldn't believe that I finally had a job. I had no real expectations, maybe except to befriend the other MEAn who would be interning. I didn't expect to make friends. I didn't even have any expectations on how we were going to be treated. Hell! I didn't know what the set-up was really going to be like except that we were going to work for the 3 VPs. I knew that there were ME people. I was already familiar with Tytana's name but I didn't even know how she looked like or what her personality's like. She's a friend of Rissa's so she musn't be awful.

I'm really happy about my time in Branders.

ok! wait... sidetrip. I can't keep on writing this sappiness. I wrote something down a while ago when I was still being sappy. I felt like sharing it so I was going to type it up. The thing is... I'm kinda over it already. and all the things i wrote, well almost all the things I wrote is icky. One thing I really agree with though is I get sappier with age. But! the cynical bitch in me still exists so there... haha

If there's anything that matters in this world, it's the relationships you make. It doesn't really matter how great a worker you are, it doesn't matter if you're the super multi-tasker. People will forget about all that, especially if you're someone in the background - support in other words. I'm not a big fan of being in support because I like the recognition. But over this summer, I've learned about just how valuable support is in branders and in a conference. It doesn't really matter where you are though. You will be remembered because of the connections you make. Only thing when you're front and center is that you have the opportunity to make more connections. I regret not making so many connections in APX. I'm pretty sure no one but the aussies and the other organizers would remember. Maybe the facilitators would but I'm really not sure about that. They will probably only remember me as that crazy girl who would use two photocopying machines at the same time while in a meeting. In Branders, I'm glad that the opposite is true. I got to know some people who I hope would be my friends for a long time.

First of all, there's DAVE. He's the first one I really got to know. We had a bonding sessin in UP. We went to Metrowalk for the first time as BRanders employees together. We also crossed the barrier along MEralco Ave that night. HE's a really funny guy with this uncanny ability to talk to people and ask them questions and make everyone laugh. He has the dave moves with the jacket and the dave finger pointing and of course the dave vector field. He can get distracted but that's funny too.

And then there's DREI, malanding purple boy. Haha.. He saw my weird work moments - talking to myself in order to write, getting his attention to ask a question but before I could ask him the question I blurt out the answer. He saw my insecure moments or fishing moments ba yun? We shall never know. And! he's the only guy who admitted na malandi siya. HAHAHAHA... And he's really nice too..

And of course TYTANA. tinatamad na ako... (She just got me to help her on her project. haha.) ah! ayun! She doesn't like hugging me!!! hmph! Hinde... well... she's a really nice girl who loves to have fun and I really like that about her. She's always smiling. And she's a kind of person who's ok with all age groups. Only thing is that she can confuse the younger generation. haha. She's one of the people that I would like to emulate because of the way she handles her finances... stop na.

so many other people actually but these three are the ones i really got to know.

Let's buckle up.Limbo time is over. Gotta get back on track... i want to make the world a better place pa naman. and of course!!!! bring world peace.. haha.. (i'm half serious by the way)

No more night shift for me.... 

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just a random thought produced by boredom....

Is this blogging thing a real avenue to write down what a person actually thinks? Are the things that we write in our blogs for real? Or are we saying things that we want to think that we think? or things that we want people to think we think? Is this blogging thing giving us a license to be someone else? To paint a picture of who we want to be? But is that really bad?

When we have the license to write, we can put down any bullshit we want. There are no censors. There is no way for anyone to really say you're wrong. Or be careful of what you say stupid.

Or maybe we have to become careful of the things we write in blogs. Maybe they're not the things that we really think. This is just one more place to filter, one more thing to be careful of. It's coz all we want to be is to be heard...

I guess all i want to be is to be heard...

I love Branders

WARNING: A really long and cheesy post is about to come your way. It was a fun summer and there's just so much to remember.

I just came from the final dinner with the CEO, Jerry. Sosyal ang Branders sa Circles sa Makati Shangri-la pa kami kumain. I am so full. For the first time in my life, I can actually say that I am filled to the brim (somewhere above the heart if you want to know the exact spot). Since my stint at Branders just ended, I've decided to reminisce about everything that happened. I love my experience at Branders and I want to remember every step of the way. Another warning though, my brain is so disorganized so this is going to randomly move from one point to another.

I started working in Branders on my birthday. I had dinner with a bunch of friends at teazann in metrowalk to celebrate my 20th and then my friends brought me to Unionbank bldg. I decided to change my approach to people and just be nice and open to talking. So there I was, 10-15 minutes late and I saw these two guys who seemed a bit unsure of their own status. That's how I met Drei and Dave. We started talking right away and even went to the point of formulating a plan of how to attack these projects. We thought that we would be able to really help each other out so we made a pact to be a team. We met Gerry Santamaria and then Jerry McLaughlin. And for the first time in our lives, we spoke to the TV and it spoke back. HAHAHAHAHA.... (We had our first video conference). We got to talk to Claire Covington and Eduardo Pretell. David Sipes was still in transit at that time so we really had no idea what to do.

After that video con, we went to our cubicles and of course got a few stares. We got branders email accounts and phones right away of course. Mine is cuy@branders.com. Oh wait! I almost forgot. We got to meet our mentors: Tytana Yap, Joie Fuentes, and Carl Abito. Being the girl, I got Tytana as my mentor but she eventually became our SUPER MENTOR/TOUR GUIDE/ MOMMY/ PLAYMATE. This experience wouldn't be as fun without Tytana.

FIRST PROJECT with DAVID SIPES: PRODUCT SOURCING STRATEGY
I was just lost for the first two days because I had no idea what I was really supposed to do. I couldn't get any clarifications because Sipes wasn't around. I decided to learn as much as I could about auctions. After a while, I felt like an expert on auction terminologies because that's all I could get. But what worth do terminologies have if you're not going to use it? So I was an expert in useless. I finally got to talk to SIpes and he guided me (sort of. a bit. but i was already lucky) through the project. The bonus there is that Sipes is actually quite cute. Haha.. Kinda distracting when he's talking to me and he gets so intense pa naman.

I had 3 Care booboos in the course of that project. (wow! how surprising... more care booboos. what we get those things at least once a week) Number one, I kicked the power box of my computer. turned out that I also killed all the phones in my row. I was so scared coz everyone just started shouting and i didn't know what to do. betts to the rescue (at that time, she was scary Betts). Number two, I was supposed to ask some questions to Lauren, the merchandising manager. I obviously had no real idea about the things I was asking her about. We both ended up confused and tired. Good job care! you're first actual business e-mail conversation was a mess. Number 3, the Dolly incident. Haha! I scared a supplier. She even called Claire. I don't even want to remember what happened.

2nd PROJECT with CLAIRE: CC SHOP
Was so happy to get a project where I knew exactly what to do. I was gonna attempt finishing the thing in two days pero tinamad din ako after a while. I ended up finishing it one day early though. Ooh! I had a great time bashing... este.. giving constructive suggestions for the Branders website. Haha!!!

3rd PROJECT with EDUARDO: Phone Practices
Oh God! I had to interview so many people, ISRs and MAnagers. That was so tiring but it was really fun. I got to know a lot of people from Branders. It was an attempt to understand how everything is being done.

FINAL REPORT: The TV talks again
This was so scary!!!! I was the last person to report and everyone was just so tired. I spoke too fast na naman. But I reached a good pace by the second project so I think that was good. The funniest thing is that Jerry told me that "it takes a lot of courage to say your criticisms of the website to senior management." Oops! Care is tactless once again. Haha.

The EATS: BIZU, KAYA, DAD'S, CPK, CIRCLES (yes. we were spoiled.)
Bizu: The first breakfast as an intern and it was with Jerry and just Jerry. I got salmon omelette and we also got to eat Jerry's favorite cookies. We knew we were gonna be so spoiled. It was interesting to get to know more about Jerry's life and especially how he loved to talk. Haha.

Kaya: Dave was rejected by a girl! haha. Mich didn't show up. My prom date, Neil, did and so did Drei's. Tytana was a master at ordering food. We had so much to eat. But my stomach ached afterward because of the way the food was cooked (grilled on your table). We also got Tytana to treat us at Fusion. haha

Dad's: Shei and Edward showed up. I love these two people. Claire showed up too. She has so much more energy than me and I am just amazed by her. She was just talking and talking but wasn't at all boring. It was a long drive because of the traffic but we were laughing all the way.

CPK: No one showed up. So sad. Food was great though. The gods fell from the sky. (You know what I'm talking about *winks*)

CIRCLES: I loved the food!!! The only thing is that Jerry just might remember me as the ever critical Care. *sniff*Sniff* I will miss Branders.

FOOD SIDETRIPS:
Sicilian Pizza with Gerry and the two
Dome with Eduardo and Joie and the two
Bacolod Chicken and McDonalds with Tytana and the two
Mini Stop with Tytana and Drei and Potchie

AND OF COURSE!!!! ORTIGAS PARK!!!!
Shei, Edward, Liza, Charlene, Betts, Mark, Gio, Tytana, Drei, Dave, Care
So many things discussed. So many laughs.

POLO CLUB!!!!
Swimming. Running to the Badminton court. Bowling. The food. The LOSERS. and THE POWERFUL CARD.

My Phone incident.
Was so scared that I lost my phone. turned out I just dropped it on the driveway. Kristie Ong of ICT recruitement, may you be blessed with so many great things.

Getting the paycheck!!! Hi ABi! hehe

PEOPLE PEOPLE: Sappy part
Dave - crazy vector field. Interesting personality. Really smart. Got to talk to this guy. Complicated. Opinionated. But really fun and witty. Hoy! send me the pics.

Drei - very nice and malandi. haha. Thanks for the car rides. Purple lover. Again, malandi. haha. always supportive. Always has something nice to say. You'd think he's shy but he has a lot of funny things to say. Oh yeah! creative director namin nga pala.

Tytana - tampo na ako sayo!!!! haha. of course not. can't be sappy. Baka sabihin mo weird. Really appreciate everything. Kakaibang tao ka especially when it comes to saving money.

Joie - haha... see you in Davao. may business deals pa tayo ha.

carl - the most serious of the MTs.

Kate - haha.. I'm going to miss the way she handles her phone calls. Parang sobrang fun ng mga phone calls niya lagi.

Gerry - our beloved troop leader. Got so much advice regarding career and just what to do about everything in Branders.

So many other people... Merch Girls, Abigail, Mich, the people I interviewed, the managers, Alberto...

See my branders pics... http://care033097.multiply.com

Thank you everyone. I loved my time in Branders. I hope I would be able to visit. Syempre kita kita pa rin tayo. EK! or kahit saan game ako lagi. :D

positions

just learned about my new job in AIESEC. I'm not really happy about it. I wanted something else but I guess they don't feel that I'm right for the job. It's just sad... :(

gotta bounce back eventually though...

Am I that old???

Somebody called me ma'am again. I think there's really something about the way I look that makes me look old. Or maybe something about me that makes me look like a bitch. OR (and this is my favorite) I just have an aura of authority. haha..

It was really weird when that girl called me ma'am and apologized profusely. I felt that I had to convince her that I'm still young. (FYI, I'm only 20 and a 3 weeks old.) Pero nakakatamad din... Reminded me of APXLDS and Gladys being shocked that I'm only 19. She kept on saying that I'm 23 (older than her) or at the very least 21. Haha.. Truth is I'm enjoying the feeling of youth...

Most of the time I'm really just ancient.

Philippines in the flat world

I’ve been reading the book “the World Is Flat” By Thomas Friedman. It has an interesting take on everything that’s been happening. What I really like about it is the fact that it’s really up-to-date. The copy I have with me is the 2006 edition. This book is talking about technology that is not yet even available in the Philippines. It contends that the rise of technology, the fall of the BErlin wall, and several other things has led to globalization 3.0 wherein India, China, Eastern Europe, and Latin America are the emerging powers. I've only read until the 3rd chapter and so far India and China have been the only countries that were heavily discussed. He talked about this new term that really caught my attention - zippies. Zippies, as opposed to yuppies, are from Generation Z, eager to improve themselves and enjoy the good life. Most of these zippies were supposedly from the countries/territories I mentioned earlier. If India was becoming the Silicon valley of Asia, if China was attracting so many investors, if our Asian neighbors are constantly improving (this info I got from friends), what about the Philippines?

Fact is, we aren't all that technologically advanced. Our leadership in this country doesn't seem geared to real and long term growth. Everyone wants to leave and be a nurse in the US or Europe. How are we ever going to take advantage of this flattening world if we can't really carve our niche since no growth is going in that direction?

I really think that the hope of this country is in tourism. We haven't really done well in the tech department and hell we haven't really been training people for that. We are able to get people in to the BPO industry but we don't really have the kind of volume and drive to make BPO our competitive advantage. Don't get me wrong... BPO is something that the Philippines should look into. A lot of changes have to be made especially in the mindset of people. A necessity isn't such a bad thing. (I thought of a lot of other things a while ago but I lost the thought. I'll update later.)

Anyway, in the end, through the process of elimination I realized that the industry for the Philippines to capitalize on is tourism. We are probably the one country that has the most to offer. Indonesia may be the biggest archipelago but i think the philippines has a lot more to offer. Of course a lot of changes have to be made in terms of marketing the philippines. Personally, I want bohol to be marketed as the top destination but i don't think that's really my choice. I can't really think about the really large steps that have to be undertaken because they just wouldn't be useful to me. SO here's what I want to do...

My mom is already starting a travel agency. WHat i can do is go to that travel agent seminar i've always wanted to go to. Hopefully i wouldn't just learn about how to run a travel agency, I'd get to network. If I can build a network, we can start a company or a group that would market the Philippines as a whole with different members of the group assigned to different islands. This way there is a more wholistic view of the Philippines and travelers are given more options. SInce i want to learn CHinese, I'm seriously thinking of going to CHina to study on Sept 2007. This would give me just enough time - a month - to take the tour guide seminar in Bohol. It isn't just a source of cash. It's about knowledge, knowledge is power. The more i know about bOhol the better I can market it. WHen i'm in China already, I can market the group to the chinese doing the same thing MR. Sultan - the biggest travel agent in Bohol - is doing. Imagine the possibilities if the person they are dealing with is speaking chinese and that person is me...

I also want to have the chance to go to India. it may be a generally poor country. But if thomas friedman is right and more and more indians have disposable incomes and wanting to have the good life then India is a goldmine for me.

So many things to think about.... so many things that can be done and will be done.. just one Care Uy...

I'm gonna sleep now... i have to get up in 3 hours. smudge!

shopping, a movie, and a creepy man

after a really boring weekend, I decided to start a week of working with a bit of shopping and a movie. I wanted to watch Tristan & Isolde but no one was available to watch with me on the weekend. With or without companions, I decided to watch it. So I decided to leave the house early (early is 3 PM) and went to the mall. I realized once again that I'm not very good at shopping and of course proceeded to my ever-beloved bookstore, my haven in the mall. There was a sale and I had money so I ended up impulse buying and I bought...
Rewriting history by Dick Morris - hardbound 100php
Seabiscuit by Laura Hillenbrand - 50 php
All the pretty horses by Cormac McCarthy - 50 php
The World is Flat by Thomas Friedman 2006 edition - not on sale anymore so I won't tell you. ;)
What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson - this was THE impulse buy :D

After my shopping spree, I went up to the movie house to watch Tristan & Isolde. Just my luck. When I decided to watch a movie alone, I ended up picking that one seat that was so close to the light that it seemed like a spotlight was on it. You know those scenes on TV where there's this really dark room and everyone's focused on this one person sitting on a seat that had the spotlight on it. And you get the sense that there's something wrong with this person. I felt like that. But I decided, what the hell? I'm gonna watch this movie. When I finally thought that I was gonna enjoy a good movie, this guy walks over my stuff and approaches me and asked if somebody was sitting beside me. I couldn't lie so I said yes and icky man that he is, he sat beside me. Even if my arms were on the arm rest, he decided to invade my space and placed his arm on his half. I was like shit! this guy is scary. I focused on the movie coz there were two hot men to keep my attention. Thanks goodness! By the way, Henry Cavill (is this right?) is so much cuter than James Franco. HOTTT!!! That's two great reasons to watch Tristan & Isolde. They're good actors too and the movie overall was good. I couldn't complain about anything.

Anyway, back to the creepy guy (ugh...). When the movie ended I wanted to stay a little longer because I wanted to find out who was that cute guy that played Melo (Henry Cavill). But I decided to get out of the theater coz the creepy dirty old man was trying to talk to me. I couldn't help it. I had to find out what the guy's name is. He ended up getting to the exit ahead of me... guess what. He waited for me to leave so it seemed like we were leaving together. He was trying to be nice and shit asking me if I lived in the area and questions like that but no way was I going to entertain a creepy old man when I was going to have a shopping day. So I left and went to the rest room. creepy man successfully ditched!

I hate creepy men!

I spent the rest of the night shopping and then I went to work... I'm almost done with my first project. Whee! Oh yeah. Almost had or really had another office bo0 boo but this entry is already pretty long... I want to read my books already

sleep in summer

I just had another 12 hour sleeping session. I should stop doing this.. it's getting really bad for me. I wake up every hour with a head ache and then go back to sleep to continue dreaming. Morpheus, you and I need to have a good talk someday. I love being in your world but I have to be able to rest too. Can't you give me a break once in a while? My mind's already really active when I'm awake. It doesn't have to be the same when I'm asleep. I enjoy the vividness of my story in your world but I need a break. (If you don't understand me, read Neil Gaiman's Sandman. It's worth your time.)

Working at night is really more difficult than I expected. All that I do now is work and sleep but I have to do more things. This summer can't be all about work. Where's the fun in that?

Some summer dreams:
1. Learn to cook at least 2 new recipes
2. Finally lose some weight. (when is this gonna happen?)
3. Figure out where I'm gonna go in AIESEC (LCVP or NST?)
4. Go out of town at least twice. I'm already going out of town for work once so that's why it has to be two.
5. What else? Summer fling ;) hehe.. dream on...

splat-ness

This is the start of my splat splatacious splatness. Ayoko na... Splat! Word for the year.. haha... incomplete thoughts. don't care. i get it. splat agaib. how many times will i repeat this. oh! haven't had rice in a while. new thought zooming in... splat soon to arrive... ate stella shouted. bad toks (is this right?) Screw it. teenage angst. ugh. splat. over it. care angst? yup yup. love it. disturbed? me? yes. here we go again. I'm writing this for me so whatever na. Ayoko na talaga. Nothing is ever gonna happen if continue this way. wahahaha. i miss my friends. haven't been doing anything but work. wanna have fun again.

don't want to be serious anymore. except too much of myself. don't do enough to reach expectations. I will learn.

Splat in case you haven't guessed yet is a condition wherein you can't just explain it but it feels like your brain fell from the sky and all you have left in your brain is oozing sludge. so you can't really think straight. all you can say is.... SPLAT.