New Beginnings

new beginnings are supposed to be great but it's hard to say goodbye to the great life you'd be leaving behind.

Age and Turning Points

I'm going to use this later to blog... For now, I'm just glad that I had a good night's sleep and that I'm off to work at the hour of 8. 

care_uy (5/7/2009 9:28:43 PM): i'm resisting the urge to reply on yuor multiply so i shall reply here while you are hiding offline. Your post makes me feel old. but at the same time I can't help but smile. I used to feel that way but I've come to realize that there's really so much more to come and the freedom that the so called real world brings is exciting. Besides... there are so many old (as in 37 years old) people who are really quite young and you only really get to see that when you start talking to them as equals, even competition, in the office. 

critteti_blahblah (5/7/2009 9:38:37 PM): hahaha, why not reply in multiply  but yeah, haha. old is relative. its just scary how things are always moving and changing so fast. and college is a defining point in one's life. so knowing im nearing the end of it gets me thinking  its like middle ground between being a child, and having to grow up and face reality. hahaha. parang nagblog ako sa message mo  thanks for the insight ket 

...

what am I supposed to do when all this is over?

be still

stop.

even just for a few moments.

keep still.

and allow yourself to breathe.

hush.

listen for a moment, to the silence, to yourself.

rest.

it's ok to take a break. 

------

i should take a break. Even if it's just one night, I should take a break. Even if this will end soon, I should take a break. 

tralalalala

excited for AIESEC in 2009.

Getting ready to say goodbye.

putting in finishing touches to transition plan.

figuring out what to next. 

finances need to be fixed.

***No surprise that my top two strengths are strategic and futuristic.

tralalalalalalala

i want to buy a new hard drive.

sobrang sabog ng audio ni JJ (Just Junior *tada handpose*)

***hmm... wala lang just had to pause.

w_ _w!!!!

February Madness

wah! 

I'm coming to realize that I have waaaaaaaaay too many things on my plate right now.

It's not so bad really. I just need to finally get things organized rather than the haphazard, whirlwind approach I have to most things. To be fair to myself, I'm not really that disorganized. I just a) don't say no to anything (READ: kaladkarin) and b) I don't really write everything down in one organized list. 

Ok... so what are the things that I need to get done:

1.) Move out of my place and move in to the new one (should be done by Sunday)

2.) Fix my Italian visa requirements (should be done by Monday)

3.) Get this book project going... and making sure that things are running even if i am away. 

4.) IPM preparations 

            - GN Plans

            - CY Plans

            - Chuchu stuff (i.e. cultural eck eck, T-shirt printing, etc)

5.) March plans

            - NEB

            - Enderun acquaintance party

            - AIESEC Phes BOA meeting

            - Transition planning

            - H4TF seminar?

            - Alumni newsletter

            - and a bunch of other AIESEC plans

6.) SCB Chuchu

            - iBanking BSP

            - iBanking in general

            - eChannels roll out

            - Turn over to Andrew

7.) Packing for Italy

Wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do I do finish all this in 4 days? 

hwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhirlwind. ack.

TRYing to beat another lazy sunday

It's another sunday afternoon... If things are going the way they should've been, I should be in the mall right now looking for a dress for Pete's wedding. And then I get to go home at around 5 so that I could finally update the compendium, finish the MC application booklet, send out X number of emails, update the YG (new term i learned in ADMU's MSI - YG = YahooGroups). But of course... sunday afternoons never really go the way I plan them. I just got up. Instead of taking a bath and going straight to the mall, I decided to relax in bed and chat/blog/do random things with my computer. Sunday afternoons never really go the way I want them to go because I'm always too tired to really do anything on Sundays. 

Once again, I had a very very full week at work. Monday was another 9-12 and Tuesday was even worse given that I went home at 2. Peter took a leave on Wednesday and was out almost the whole day Thursday. Friday was another craaazy day with a meeting that started at 10 ending at 1:30, then barely eating lunch  so that we could already finish all the requirements. I do like the work that I have. Project Management or Tech roll-outs just might be the kind of thing I would like to be doing in the future. But it's the boss factor and the impossibility of some of the demands that pisses me off. What's even worse is that even if you already meet his impossible demands, he says stupid things like, "Why are you delaying?" (even if he knows we work until late into the night) or "Don't stress too much." (before he gives us tasks to do over the weekend). anyway... i really don't want to rant about StanChart any further. 

Like I said, i'm full throughout the week and then on Saturdays I devote my time to AIESEC. it's ok because as Tabbee and I agreed, a weekend given freely to AIESEC is different from a weekend taken away by the job. And even if my days are already full, i can't help but go out and have fun. 

So now.. here I am. Barely rested, voice gone, and fretting about the fact that I have no dress. I feel a bit guilty for delaying so much all of the things that I should be doing. But at the same time, I'm really not a robot. I need to have fun. I need a drink every weekend. and yes... I am also an energizer bunny who will stop for a while to breath but will keep going and going and going and going... and now i have to go and find that dress. 

collegiate

5 AM and i am up making a paper. this time it's for AIESEC.

how collegiate. :D

I dread the coming week.

mid-year...

It's another one of those weekends. Saturday was spent lying in bed. Saturday night was spent getting drunk. And then Sunday again, which should've been spent productively because I really need to do a lot of AIESEC and SCB work, was also spent lying in bed. 

I finally decided to move away from the bed and put my laptop on a desk. Still procrastinating but at least what I'm doing now involves some thinking and actual typing. 

I've been looking at the random thoughts I wrote in the past (nope, not in this blog) and I saw that there was actually a common theme: Tiredness. It's very important to note of course that this set of random thought was really about stresses and things that I want to scream out, my frustrated thoughts. What I found interesting was that though I have had to acknowledge that I'm tired at different points of the year, I rarely said that I'm so tired that I want to give my AIESEC year up. So it got me thinking about what's been happening since my term started...

First of all, i have to point out that the general madness in my life began in January 2008 when I got into the Alabang Branch Project. That project was extra stressful and caused me to go home from work at midnight on a regular basis. I think that project was extra stressful because I really had no clear idea of what I was doing. I knew what needed to be done but I just had no clear idea of how to get it done. But at that time, the AIESEC stress really wasn't as much yet because I was focused on my departments, OGX and Finance. We had a set timeline and it was really just a matter of execution which we were quite able to do. The emotional/psychological madness of figuring out if I wanted to run as MCP was just beginning at that time though. 

Then I went to IPM in Macedonia which was a 10-day cha-cha/roller coaster of figuring if I wanted to be MCP or not. Some days I would get up and say this looks like what I would want to do. There were other days when I would slap my head and say what the hell am i doing here. And finally, I decided to become MCP sometime in late March or early April beacuse I was just so tired of thinking about it. I remember quite vividly the time that I made the decision. I was walking home, coming from Taft. That night I could not focus on anything because all thoughts were revolving around that great decision. And then my brain got so messed up that I decided to give up thinking. I decided on doing SCB and AIESEC right then and there. 

Since DevCon 2008 in Davao, things have actually been pretty much like a whirlwind. DevCon was my oh shit oh shit I'm MCP period. And after awhile it finally got to me. I had a team. We started pushing for exchange. As I went along, I kept on trying to remember the things that we did when I was still in Tabbee's time. Most people know that I'm not very organized, I do a lot of things on the fly, and I tend to bullshit my way out of things. So figuring things out at the start was quite difficult. 

I don't really know why (maybe because I associate being in this spot with being more people people) but I've become more.. uhm... outgoing (?) this year. For one, I actually go to the parties. For another, I try to go to all the events. And finally, weekday or weeknight, chances are I'm out with some people. 

*Commercial break lang for my brain. I really think I have Attention Deficiency Disorder. crap. what was my point?*

Ayun! Going back to tiredness... AIESEC has been playing quite an active role in my life lately and more so in the past few weeks. I had 4 days of NPM, 1 day faci pre-stay, and 4 days of NLDS to be capped off with a 6pm-12mn shift in the office. The two conferences were really about re-enerigizing, assessing the past, and figuring out what to do next. Having gone through those crazy 9 days, I have to say that despite all the stress I went though before I made my decision to become MCP, it is a decision that I do not regret. Yes, I really am tired. The fatigue I'm feeling now is affecting my system differently and I think would soon be affecting my productivity. But I do feel that burning desire to move move move and to make things happen. 

(Pete, if you read this, no offense to you at all to ah) I think the one thing that I'm tired about though is my work in SCB. I've been working on a very frustrating project the past three months and I am so aching to walk away from it already. We've already done so much but a lot of our effort was actually wasted. I like the project in itself but I'm already overly frustrated by it. BUt well... the good thing is that I like SOME of the people I work with (Hehe. Pete, bawi). 

Hay... my attention span only goes for so long. 

in remembrance

We laid Lola Caring to rest yesterday, September 28, after having lived 86 years.  She gave birth to 13 children, had 33 grandchildren and 27 greatgrandchildren (and these are the only ones we are sure of). 

The last few days spent in Bohol were sad times. It was a family reunion but our beloved matriarch was no longer with us. But in true Rubillar fashion... we sang, we drank, and we celebrated the many happy memories we have with our mama-lola. 

It is sad to think that she will not be there any more offering some humba and kinilaw for us to eat in Vissara or rice for us to bring home to manila. There won't be anyone to call to announce that you're home once again. There won't be any need to ask for Cali because that's her favorite drink. No one to ask permission from when we go have cousin bonding on the sundeck ("Lola, we'll just be drinking juice.")

It is more important to remember the many things she imparted to us...

a love for travel (she's always in some other place visiting a relative)

a sense of frugality (save your plastic cups for another trip to the beach. you never know when you'll need another jollibee cup.)

being strongly independent (until the last days of her life and even in her death, she was always fully capable of providing for herself)

generosity (you can always expect to get something from her whenever there's an occasion)

a love for fun (we all love to sing and dance and we got this from our lola)

I love you Lola. Bohol will not be the same without you. 

I cant remember when you werent there
When I didnt care for anyone but you
I swear weve been through everything there is
Cant imagine anything weve missed
Cant imagine anything the two of us cant do

Through the year, youve never let me down
You turned my life around, the sweetest days Ive found
Ive found with you ... through the years
Ive never been afraid, Ive loved the life weve made
And Im so glad Ive stayed, right here with you
Through the years

I cant remember what I used to do
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before
I swear youve taught me everything I know
Cant imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more

Through the years, through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had, Ive always been so glad
To be with you ... through the years
Its better everyday, youve kissed my tears away
As long as its okay, Ill stay with you
Through the years

- Through the Years by Kenny Rogers

the itchy and scratchy show

There is a shared sense of “lostness,” not because we have nowhere to be. No, we are all lucky enough to be somewhere, but most want to be somewhere else. 

- from an article in the Philippine Star

Lately, i keep on thinking of movement, of being somewhere else, and of doing something different. there are a lot of really good things happen to me here and now. i have a good job (both are good), good friends, a good life. but it feels like being in a good place isn't really all that enough. this year 0809 is a year that i have committed to and i will stay committed to. but i look to what lies ahead and i smile when i think that the whole future is gray and a blur. 

on other fronts, here's an article on the on-going madness that seems to be interesting:

http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/18/diamond-and-kashyap-on-the-recent-financial-upheavals/

the wandering continues

i have my tickets already. 

on the 20th, i am off to Davao to have two sleepless, AIESEC filled days. 

sep 20 

4:30 AM departure

6:30 AM arrival n DVO

8:30 AM start of MSI

5:50 PM end of MSI (With lunch and break in between)

6:00 PM BOA/Parent's night 

8:00 PM freedom... equal to beer and talking to AIESECers. partying is optional. 

Sep 21

6:00 AM leave for the Stamm venue

8:00 AM arrive in resort

10:00 AM start MSI again until everyone's done

4-5 PM leave resort

9PM leave DVO

So that's Davao. crazy. hectic. but i love it!

and i also have my tickets for December already. I love Philippine holidays. the Philippines is officially on a standstill from December 25 - January 1. and i'm going to take a leave from dec 22-24 so i can be home by the 20th and get back to manila on the 1st. woohoo!!! i love the idea of a long break. hmm... i hope i get to go to bora on the 22nd with the rest of my family. 

schedule stabilizing

and i'm back to...

to nightly meetings coz of AIESEC

to a full weekend schedule coz of AIESEC 

to sleeping late at night to chat with people

to reading a book to lull me to sleep

and of course, there's still SCB. 

september is equal to... RBI, MSI, BOA night, Stamm, AOS Extreme, NEB, planning, meeting, and a lot of other little things. 

october is equal to... AOS Extreme (another one), MCOS, NLDS Planning Weekend, NPM, NLDS... two conferences back to back = sudden death but oh joy!

november is well... blank still... but that's going to alumni frenzy month.

december is DECEMBER! Christmas is sacred! oh.alumni homecoming.

january is Natcon, preparation for IPM.

february is IPM!!!! 

march is IPM bringback, the beginning of transition.... 

april is still continuing transition. 

may is DevCon... and then.... *blank* it's over. 

this broadly is my schedule for my year as MCP. yes, i do love to think about schedules and whaht i'll be doing tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. but i also love breaking schedules and doing things on the fly. it's the act of making schedules that i enjoy the most anyway. 

so i do expect this year to fly fast. it's been a lot of fun so far, a lot of learning, a lot of good friends made. we shall just see what happens after.

a line i always say to those who ask me about what's going to happen next. 

i have no plan a for after my term as MCP. i DO have plans b, c, d, and so on. :)

a return to blogging

because i am vain, bored and brain dead (in that order), i decided to google my name and i came across this blog. it's really funny to read old entries and to remember the thoughts that i had a year or two ago. things have changed like crazy over the past year or so. let me point a few things out:

1. i'm working now as an international graduate in standard chartered (a year and almost 3 months now)
2. i'm president of aiesec philippines
3. i haven't been veg-ing, couch potato-ing, or lounging in front of the tv so much. instead i'm either working or partying.

anywho... i came across this colorquiz thing i took a couple of years ago and i decided to take it again. it's really funny how the test results are actually almost spot on.

Free personality analysis of Care.
JUNE 25, 2006

Care's Existing Situation

Having difficulty in standing up to the demands imposed on her. Finds a great effort is involved and wishes to have the situation eased.

Care's Stress Sources

Feels that life has far more to offer and that there are still important things to be achieved--that life must be experienced to the fullest. As a result, she pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity that will not let go of things. Becomes deeply involved and runs the risk of being unable to view things with sufficient objectivity, or calmly enough; is therefore in danger of becoming agitated and of exhausting her nervous energy. Cannot leave things alone and feels she can only be at peace when she has finally reached her goal.

Care's Restrained Characteristics

Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.

Insists that her hopes and ideas are realistic, but needs reassurance and encouragement. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.

Care's Desired Objective

Wants to make up for what she feels she has missed by living with exaggerated intensity; in this way she feels she can break free from all the things that oppress him.

Care's Actual ProblemThe fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

****************************

Free personality analysis from ColorQuiz.com.
Generated on Mon Sep 1 06:42:46 2008.
Your Existing Situation

This represents a barrier between the compensatory colors which precede it and the remaining colors.

Your Stress Sources

Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Exacting in her emotional demands and very particular in her choice of partner. The desire for emotional independence prevents any depth of involvement.

The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.

Feels rather isolated and alone, but is too reserved to allow herself to form deep attachments. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.

Your Desired Objective

Wants to make up for what she feels she has missed by living with exaggerated intensity; in this way she feels she can break free from all the things that oppress him.

Your Actual ProblemTakes a delight in action and wants to be respected and esteemed for her personal accomplishments.

earthfart count = 5

the weather's been pretty weird lately. It's the summer so that means it's supposed to be hot. But it's been raining quite a bit. yesterday i thought there was some kind of storm. mom was in the island so i was a bit worried that she wouldn't be able to come home. weird thing. not one drop of rain. and now, its raining again but only a light drizzle.

on other things.... i'm so glad to be out of the heat. I'm on house duty these days. my job's basically preparing the tools for the elections. so now... lots of money's lying all over my bed. my hand's gotten a bit stiff from stapling. but it's all good. the smell of new money is yummy.

elections = dirty. politics = family business. what am i to do? play in the dirt and wash after?